Category: books

Spaciousness (or: A Theory of Relativity)

by Karen, posted in book reviews, books, family, friends, health, Midlife Crisis, no fear, relationships, yoga

In the book What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty, she talks about the idea of spacious days.

What a concept!!!!

Mostly, my days feel jam-packed to me, without a moment to spare for anything. That’s how I usually think about them, at least. My to-do list is longer than my arm. I suspect that other mothers feel this way as well, since today I heard my friend Donna (also a mother) say those exact words.

In yoga, spaciousness is sought in your body through postures, in your mind through meditation. I’ve been searching for spaciousness through yoga for 4 years now (I’ll let you know when I find it).

🙂

Four years seems like kind of a long time to me…but as a percentage of my age, it’s not that long really. Could it be that all I really need is an adjustment of perspective?

Back to yoga class: this week, our instructor Kristen happened to mention that there was a period of her life that she would gladly relive, which sparked a conversation among the women in the class on this topic. As some of them mentioned ages that they would be interested in repeating, I did a quick review: high school? No way! Early twenties? No thank you!  I soon realized that I couldn’t think of any time period of my life that I would want to live through again, but then I reframed the question: What was a happy memory?

When I asked myself this question, I got a very clear image in my mind. It was in the summer: August 1991. It was in the first apartment that I shared with my husband after we got married.  The sun was streaming in through the large windows in the dining room, shining on my infant son, born just a couple of weeks prior. I remember being in that room, gazing at the baby, standing in the sun, and realizing that I’d never been happier than I was at that moment. Twenty years later, I can still stand in that room in my mind’s eye, and still feel that happiness just as strongly as I did that day.

So, I guess time is relative, just ask Einstein. Or Liane Moriarty.

Or me.

🙂

Why Buy the Cow?

by Karen, posted in books, relationships, writing

My proof copy of my book arrived in the mail yesterday. I found it on my kitchen island when I returned home from work around 8:30 last night, in a most undignified place (at the bottom pf the pile of mail). I picked it up and said to my husband (who was standing at the sink with his back to me):

Me: Do you know what this is?

Bill: A book?

Me: Not a book…the book.

Bill: {Blank stare}

Me: My book.

Bill: OooooooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh; your book.

Then he turned his attention back to whatever he was doing in the sink.

I started to tear open the cardboard encasing it when a thought stopped me mid-tear.

I worked on this book for about 2 years. It was now about 9pm, I was tired, my husband was distracted…I was not giving my book the respect that it deserved. I stopped.

I’m going to wait until I have an uninterrupted block of time. I’m going to open the package slowly and savor the moment, fully aware that I am about to hold the first book that I wrote myself in my hands.

I can’t wait.

Home Office: Post book purge

by Karen, posted in books, education, my one word, Work from Home
Post purge office bookcase

It took several days and lots of cold hard decision-making, but the purge is (almost) complete. It was interesting (and sad) for me to note that I had no less than 5 books about Simplifying My Life.

We don’t know when we’ll be transitioned to working at home but we’ve pretty much been told to be on standby for a couple of weeks already. This is stressful because I”m still waiting for the desk to be delivered!  It would be really helpful if the desk arrives before person who is installing the ergonomic keyboard tray does!  Hopefully that will come next week.

First I had the thought that I had to get honest about the books. How many are there, really? I got all the books from all the hiding places…I thought. When I was done I remembered a few more places that I was keeping books in the house and ferreted them out and added them to the (rapidly increasing) pile.

The next thought I had was this: I almost never reread a book (I definitely won’t re-read a novel).  This thought was followed by an epiphany: why, then, was I keeping any book I was sure I would never read again?

I didn’t know.

Next I thought, wouldn’t  having at least one bookshelf containing only books that I haven’t yet read be wonderful?  As would having empty space on the shelf to receive new books. Heaven.

Anyway, back to the book purge. Here’s what I did with them:

  1. I put a box out at the end of my driveway with a sign: “free to a good home”.
  2. I brought some to the library for their annual book sale.
  3. I made a gift of some of them to several friends.
  4. I brought some to Annie’s Book Stop, where they give you store credits in exchange for your used books.

Then I took the what was left, organized and shelved them. When I was done, I felt fabulous. Every time I’m missing one of the books I gave away, I remember the shelf on the book case that contains a little empty space now.

Bliss.

Setting up a home office, continued: the purge

by Karen, posted in books, my one word, Work from Home

I’ve been reading Mary Carlomango’s book Live More, Want Less slowly over a period of months. It’s organized into 52 chapters and my initial intent was to read a chapter a week (as the author suggested), then implement the “action items”  listed at the end of each chapter to help pare down my belongings, hopefully simplifying my life in the process. I started off okay, but then lost track of which week I was ‘supposed’ to be on, so now I’m picking it up occasionally and reading at random.

The chapter about books came at exactly the moment that I most needed it.  Currently I have books in many locations throughout the house. Now I am emptying out the room to use as an office that contained the bookcase and about half of our (okay, mostly my) books.  In our first home, we added on a room (not just for the books!)  and my husband had a bookcase built to fit on a wall that was very tall and very wide and accommodated all of my books: past, present, and future.  When we moved the big bookcase wouldn’t fit anywhere in the new house, so we found a smaller one at a yard sale which I am still using.

At first I thought I”d be able to reduce my collection and make it fit the space I had available,  and I did that. Unfortunately, over the years I have amassed books. I’ve been sort of stuck for the past few days as I tried to decide about what to do with not only the bookcase (where to put it in the now empty room) but also the books on it, on top of it, and in the basket along side it (full disclosure: there are more in my closet, under my bed, and in the built-in bookcase in the bedroom…oh, and in the kitchen!). When I posed this question to my husband, he said, “Maybe you don’t put the bookcase back in at all…”

That brought me up short.

Maybe I was asking the wrong question! What if I don’t put the bookcase back at all? In that case I would have (at least)one different question: What to do with the books?

To be continued…

Write it down, make it happen

by Karen, posted in books, Date night, family, fitness, health, Life in the cube, Midlife Crisis, no fear, Someone's gotta say it, tweens, writing, yoga

Okay, it’s a book (not mine!) title. It occurred to me to apply the philosophy of: “If you build it, they will come” espoused by James Earl Jones and put into force by Kevin Costner in the Field of Dreams movie which coincidently (?!) contained a female lead character named “Karen” (not sure how she spelled it!) played by Amy Madigan.

I decided to build my perfect work day.

  1. Get up–not too early.
  2. Get some exercise. I like Stephen King’s idea from his book On Writing where he would take writing breaks and jump on the treadmill that was next to his writing desk (if memory serves). A little bit of yoga couldn’t hurt…
  3. Get some coffee–oh wait! That should be first!
  4. Get some breakfast (ABO…or “Anything But Oatmeal” :)).
  5. Write until noonish.
  6. Get some lunch.
  7. Check email, blogs, FB (you know, all the usual time-sucking suspects) etc.
  8. Read until 4pm. This is when I get to make a small dent in my pile of books, magazines that I am dying to read but have no time to.
  9. Get some more exercise…go for a walk? At the beach! Look for sea glass, sand dollars, unusual rocks and shells. Sigh. Life is Good.
  10. Watch DVD’s or preferred TV series of the moment (The Good Wife, Survivor, Breaking Bad) with my husband.

What does a perfect day for you look like? Quick! Go right it down; then maybe you can figure out a way to make it happen! 🙂

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, books, family, local fun, movies, tweens

Have you noticed that there has been a span of several weeks with no G-rated (or PG, for that matter) choices for movies? After a long hiatus, enter (finally!) something that my daughter and I both wanted to see: the Wimpy Kid sequel, based on the book by Jeff Kinney, which I thought I’d bought Izzy for Christmas and I also thought she’d read.

Wrong. And wrong.

I took her anyway to see  Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules this past Sunday at Wells Five Star Cinema. This is the movie where Greg (the aforementioned Wimpy Kid) and his older brother Rodrick (read: torturer) work on their relationship to try to make it civil. This is also the movie where Rodrick (much to my surprise) becomes a human. Briefly.

The potty humor for the kids (and–dare I say it?– the men) abounds, but, thankfully, it had more than that to offer. Rachel Harris plays Mom, and many of us (moms) will relate to her asking her kids the quintessential Mom question:  “Can’t we all just get along?”  The answer is: well, yes…eventually. Probably. Not!

This story is about the brothers’ struggle to coexist, but is also about the Mom’s efforts to guide and support them. With Dad in the background making faces.

For food: we had nachos, popcorn, and M+M’s (her) and Peanut M+M’s (mom) from the gumball-type vending machines they have at that theater. If you’re short the approximately $15 needed to purchase a snack or two at the concessions counter, these coin-op machines can be really a good bet. Of course, you only get about 8 Peanut M+M’s for your quarter, but that’s about all a serving size amounts to anyway (about 1/4 cup), so it’s good for your wallet and for your efforts to keep your current size pants fitting you this week!

YAY! 🙂

Writing class

by Karen, posted in books, education, local fun, writing

I signed up for a class through the local adult ed office: Writing Memoir taught by Katherine Mayfield. There were 8 of us registered for the class, which is held on two consecutive Monday nights. When one person did not show up on the first night it made us a group of 7.

The group started just about on time, but in fairness the instructor was waiting for the missing student (but only for five minutes). She began by having us sit in a circle and we went around and (briefly) introduced ourselves to the group. Then the agenda was presented: a short talk by Katherine about what memoir is (creative non-fiction) and is not (autobiography), followed by some questions and answers.
Then we got down to writing. A prompt was given but we didn’t have to use it. We wrote for 10 minutes (Katherine gave us a one minute warning so we could finish up) and then we took turns (by volunteering) reading aloud to the group the pieces that we wrote.

This is where Katherine’s class differs from one I took a few years ago. She offered suggestions for how to structure the feedback that we providing to each other in a safe, non-threatening way (for example, referring to the writer as ‘the narrator’ instead of ‘you’). She even went so far as to say that if the writer determined that the writing produced during the exercises was too personal, (s)he did not have to share it with the group. I found this to be tremendously freeing.

I knew that I would be reading aloud what I wrote because, after all, that was one of my objectives for signing up: to see what other people thought of my writing. Still, it was a gift to know that the decision about whether to share my writing ultimately, was (just as it always is) mine.

Katherine brought a couple of resources for us to look through but I forgot about that while I was there. This book: Writing the Memoir by Judith Barrington is one of them, which I have seen before and I may even have already; I’m embarrassed to admit that I can’t remember! (Please refer to prior blog posts about clutter).So, I will be checking my bookshelves first, and if I don’t find it then I’ll check the Library’s bookshelves next.

P.S. Everyone shared their work and their nice, motivating comments with one another. It could be that 7 is a lucky number. 🙂

Lunch on the lam

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, books, Life in the cube, quest for the best, restaurants

Sometimes life in the cube can get overwhelming. Have you ever been at work and just wanted to take a break? I mean, really, take a break. Change the scenery for a half an hour? Not make small talk? Not force positivity for just a little while?

This is when an audio book can come in handy; it’s particularly conducive to hands-free eating. Okay, so the price of gas is prohibitive, I know. You wouldn’t want to sit in your car with it running for 20+ minutes every day (especially in the winter when you need to have the heat on, but once in a while it can be very restorative).

If you brought your lunch you will gain extra precious minutes of solitude in  your car (read: oasis of calm); just grab your lunch bag and go. Otherwise, try to choose a place from which to buy that is not known for its lunch time crowds. Standing in line for 10 minutes can make a serious dent in your alone time.

If you have to purchase your meal and you have any control over the timing of your lunch break, that’s even better. Choose a time that is off-peak: perhaps 11:00am or 2:00pm. This ought to get you out of the store and into your car more quickly. Don’t forget extra napkins. Eating in the car can be fraught with peril, what with the gear shift and the steering wheel to navigate and all. Also your choice of meal can make things more tricky (hel-lo, meatball sub?).

On this day I chose soup from Kamasouptra in Portland. The curried Pumpkin Bisque Soup won out over the other five options (so okay, maybe it’s winter-almost-spring, but it feels like fall-almost-winter). The real draw for me (even though the soup is excellent) is the bread, still warm from the oven. What can I say? The value of comfort food cannot be overstated.

Especially during the work day.

🙂

My New Year’s Word: February update

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, books, education, family, my one word, Pantry Project, tweens

Okay, so it’s March, not February. I meant to post this last month and just realized that I never did. One weekend, thinking about my New Year’s word which, as you may recall is “Edit”, I helped my daughter edit her room. We purchased risers to lift her bed up high enough to allow and underbed storage container to fit underneath. We dismantled the bed, vacuumed it all out, changed all the bedding.

My husband started during the week, working their way around the periphery (like at the supermarket? The way you’re “supposed” to shop to get the healthy food, right?). They attacked the furniture surfaces (read: clutter magnets) first: bureau, nightstand, corner table, desk. They next moved on to the closet, completing the top shelf and the floor.
I took over on the weekend, finishing the contents of the closet and all of the (5!) bureau drawers. When we were finished, we had 4 stuffed trash bags of things she didn’t need/want/use/wear anymore!

I was so motivated by how great her room looked that I proceeded on to do my own closet (well, most of it) and my (6!) bureau drawers. I took out 2 1/2 bags of cast offs.

I read the book : 30 Days to a Simpler Life by Cris Evat about 10 years ago, and still have it. Okay, okay, I save things. It’s what I do. My mother threw away everything, including all of my childhood belongings, and I guess that I responded to this by never throwing away anything (at least, that’s what my  husband will tell you!) but sometimes I really do need something that I haven’t used in 10 years! So I have my book out, dusted off, and am consulting it as a tool to help me with my objective for 2011: editing!

One of the most effective suggestions in this book, and the one I still use to this day, is this: go around the house (or you can focus on just one room; it’s up to you) with an empty bag and fill it. With what? With anything that you don’t need/love/use/want anymore. Anything that you can part with that will give you the gift of this: empty space. Go ahead, try it. The book suggests that you do it every day, but even if you only do it once, that’s still one whole bag less of clutter in your home.

Try to resist the urge to fill it back up right away (you know you’ll want to). 🙂

“Clearing clutter for clarity”

by Karen, posted in books, family, health, Midlife Crisis

Okay, I borrowed this alliteration from the book  Ask and It Is Given by Jerry and Esther Hicks. Spring is in the offing. In the spring, when a young man’s thoughts are lightly turning…women’s thoughts are turning too: to thoughts of Spring Cleaning.

I was reading an article in the March issue of Whole Living magazine entitled “Cleaning House” by Susanna Sonnenberg about decluttering. She says that it helps to ask three questions when you are wondering about keeping something:

  1. Do I love it?
  2. Do I need it?
  3. Does it bring me peace and energy or uneasy trouble? (Italics added by me)

I found this very motivating. Maybe you will too. I decided that it doesn’ t have to be a major deconstructive (read: overwhelming, make me want to quit before I start) effort to declutter. Here’s my plan:  starting now, as I handle every object throughout the course of my day,  I will ask myself those (above) questions, and if the answer isn’t “YES!” to any of them, out it will go.

This is my plan. Since I am a midlifer, I can only hope that I remember it (reference the book: I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron). 🙂

Now, my husband? He’s great at this. Me? Not so much. Hmmm…maybe that’s he has time for his thoughts to “lightly turn…” in the spring?? Ha!