The BRAVE Interview #14 September 2017: Sylvia Wesley

September 8, 2017September 8, 2017 by Karen, posted in Adult children, Being BRAVE, Catching women being brave, family, Interviews, relationships, The BRAVE Interviews, Travel, Turning 50

Here is this month’s BRAVE Interview with Sylvia Wesley! Enjoy!

WHO are you? I’m a 61-year-old white woman—wife, mother, nurse, and pseudo-bon vivant!
WHAT is your One Brave Thing? Sometimes I feel like just living every day is a Brave Thing and it is difficult to choose a single event! As a nurse, it seems like so many of my ‘brave things’ encompass caring for people—my dad and my brother, who both died of cancer; my mom with multiple surgeries; friends with HIV/AIDS. As a mom I gave birth to twins who were 10 weeks premature and their first 6 months of life was pretty hectic, to put it mildly. As a wife, still being married after 38 years could be considered brave—but probably the bravest aspect there is that I married a black man in 1979, only 12 years after the Supreme Court ruled interracial marriage was not illegal, and our early years involved some struggles in a very white New England. So, after all that, I decided to choose a joyous adventure as my One Brave Thing—I went to Burning Man!
WHEN did you do it? 8/28-9/1, 2006
WHERE did it occur? Black Rock Desert, NV
HOW did you make it happen? Mostly my daughter made the initial experience happen. She had been going to Burning Man for a few years and always marveled at how awesome it was and she was sure I would love it. So for my 50^thbirthday, I was given a ticket to TTITD (aka ‘that thing in the desert’). Which meant I would be sharing camping space with 38,000+ other adventuring nomads for a week in rather hostile environmental conditions, and only knowing one other person. A little scary having to be self-reliant in an unknown situation, camping with my daughter’s friends who only had her assurances that I was ‘fun, non-judgmental, fully capable of taking care of myself, and would not act like everybody’s mother.’ So I packed my bags and flew to LA. We readied all our camping equipment, some party outfits, food and water for a week, and did a 12 hour ride/drive-share to the event with a heretofore unknown person. After 12+ hours, in a very small mini-van, we were all fast friends. Getting to and from is just as much of an adventure as being there!
WHY did you do it? For the adventure! It was one of the best experiences of my life—the bigger-than-life art, the music, the people, the sense of oneness—all magnificent. I came away with a whole new sense of self. And as my daughter predicted, I would want to go every year after that, and did so for the next 7 years. ‘Life’ has since interrupted my annual trek, and I have not been for the past 3 years, but look forward to resuming visits to my personal Mecca in the near future.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Sylvia!

If anybody wants to learn more about the culture that is Burning Man, go to https://burningman.org/

Read the other BRAVE interviews here: https://kwrites.com/?s=The+BRAVE+Interview

If you would like to be interviewed for this series about something brave you have done in your life, email me at kmcwrites@gmail.com!

Coming full circle (and announcing a free class!)

August 23, 2017August 30, 2017 by Karen, posted in books, Brave books, Life's too short to read bad books, Midlife Crisis, relationships, Turning 50, writing

When I was in elementary school, I was in a new school every year.

Every. Single. Year.

No, my parents weren’t in the military. My father was disabled, and when money got tight, we got moving.

Kindergarten: The Hancock in Medford. First grade and half of second: The Emerson in Malden. Last half of second grade and third: The Parker in Billerica. Fourth: The Hajjar in Billerica. Fifth: The Davenport in Medford.

Maybe you noticed that Billerica is up there twice in a row. We actually didn’t move that year, but as luck would have it, the town built a new elementary school to accommodate its growing population and (you guess it) I was zoned to move to the new school.

Oh, happy day.

Moving can be hard for anyone at any age, and I was no exception. Every time I made a friend, we moved, and I had to begin all over again. As I got older, it seemed as if everyone was already paired up with a best friend, and had been forever. I always felt like the odd girl out. Like I didn’t belong.

And then something wonderful happened. I discovered my BFF’s in books!

Nancy Drew and Pippi Longstocking were among the first and are still my friends today.

Of course, Judy Blume’s books were part of my life back then, and the one that immediately comes to my mind when I think of that time is this one: Are You There God? It’s me, Margaret.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how reading books can help us find meaning and insight into our lives. Even in fiction–maybe especially in fiction–it’s the story we connect with, and how it resonates for us in our real lives, and through which we can find comfort and clarity.

The phrase, “Go back to go forward” popped into my head not too long ago, and it kept popping in, over and over, so I thought, hey, I have to do something with this.

About the same time, Margaret was also intruding on my thoughts.

Pretty much everyone I know that is past puberty has read the Margaret book. Maybe because I have been re-reading other books lately that impacted me, it occurred to me that it might be very interesting to re-read this particular book now. Maybe that’s why it was so persistently intruding in my thoughts. It wanted me to read it again!

And then I had another thought: maybe other women would also enjoy this.
And my free mini-course idea was born!

You can join the Facebook group now to get notified when the free course is available. As of now, I expect it to be ready on the Tuesday before Labor Day (August 29, 2017). Once it’s live, this link should work to sign up for my free mini-course, GO BACK TO GO FORWARD!

Feel free to share this with anyone else who has read this book and might enjoy coming with me on my learning curve to take this free course!

100 days of…WHAT?

September 28, 2014September 29, 2014 by Karen, posted in Midlife Crisis

I kept seeing the giveit100.com mentioned on…where? Facebook, probably. Finally I looked into it.
The idea is you make a ten second video every day of you doing your chosen activity and upload it to their website.
In one of the articles, a woman was telling how she chose doing push-ups. Day one she could barely hoist herself up off the floor but at the end of 100 days she was doing push-ups like nobody’s business, yada yada.
Well, that sounded pretty good to me so I signed up to give 100 days to some project or activity too.
That was two weeks ago.
I haven’t started yet because, despite encouraging emails from someone associated with the program to ‘just pick something”, I haven’t been able to.
Writing? Clean eating? Walking? Hula hooping? Gratitude?
I was paralyzed in the face of endless choices.
Until today. While i was out walking at the ocean today, the thought of what to do appeared fully formed in my mind.

Here it is: 100 days of meditating.

Wish me luck!

Long time no see

May 30, 2014 by Karen, posted in Angels, family, good grief, Midlife Crisis, no fear

I went to see Melissa at Deep Blue Truth in Kennebunk today. I go every year (at least once) near my birthday as a present to myself. I always get messages from one or more of my friends and relatives that have died, and today was no exception.
When they come through, they always talk about something that is personal to me and to them. Something that helps me know that it is really them. Something that no one else would know. They give some kind of a sign.

Today, someone named John came through. Okay, so John is my dad, so that’s a no brainer. Melissa told me that he kept telling her to say ‘matches’, to talk about striking matches.

Last night, I was talking to my husband, telling him I needed to get some more matches to light candles, that I was down to my last 2 books. I joked that I was just coming to the end of my dad’s stockpile of boxes of matchbooks that we found in his house after he died…in 1998.

Pass the kleenex.

One brave thing, part 2

May 14, 2014 by Karen, posted in fitness, health, local fun, Midlife Crisis, no fear

I went to the Aqua Yoga class on Monday morning, despite my trepidation. I got my big girl pants on (read: found a bathing suit that fit) and I went. I pulled up to the door at 8:59am. This is significant because usually I am at least a half an hour early for everything. Because it was so late, though, I didn’t have time to hesitate. I just got out of my car and went right in.

As soon as I entered the pool area, I knew I had done the right thing by finally going. The instructor was playing music for the class and the song that was on was this: “Happy” by Pharrell. People that know me know that this is my new favorite song! Because I heard the Happy song, I was immediately put at ease. I took it as a sign that I was in the right place.

Two other positive signs:

The instructor, Jennifer, reminded me of one of my best friends, Karyn.
One of the other women in the class reminded me of my one of my grandmothers.

So how did it go? It was hard! It was fun! Everyone was so nice! I wish I had started going (like the other women had) six months ago!

Still becoming

January 5, 2014 by Karen, posted in Adult children, Angels, family, good grief, Midlife Crisis, movies, no fear, relationships

When my mother was 51, she was busy getting ready to die, but she didn’t know this yet. Well, maybe she did know it on some level, but she never talked about it with me pre-diagnosis so I really can’t be sure. Certainly none of us, her children, her husband, knew it yet.

I’m 51. At 51, I feel like I am still becoming who I am. At 51, her life was drawing to a close.

Seeing The Secret Life of Walter Mitty has me thinking about things like this today. Walter Mitty is about many things. It’s about living your life, but also it’s about how you live it. You can spend it offsides, thinking about what you wish you were doing or imagining all that you’d like to (someday) do. Or, you can, at any time, decide to actually do the thing(s) that you thought you could not ever do.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

― Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn by Living: Eleven Keys for a More Fulfilling Life

In the movie, it was a fine line. Walter Mitty crossed it. I don’t think that my mother ever crossed it. I am wondering if I have crossed it.

Interwoven throughout Mitty are images of his past that are meaningful to him. They are there to let him know that a) he is on the right track and that b) both of his parents, his dad who had died when he was 17, and his mother who was still alive and baking clementine cakes for him, were there supporting him every step of the way.

For me, the real message of this movie is this: No matter what, we are always our parents’ child.

The story of Sheri

September 8, 2013 by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, friends, good grief, Gratitude Journal 2013, Life in the cube, Midlife Crisis

My husband’s friend Bob died earlier this year.

My friend Sheri died earlier this week.

Early in 2006, Sheri became my mentor at my new job. Shortly thereafter, Sheri became my friend.

To be fair, she was pretty much everybody’s friend. She was just one of those warm, kind, caring people to whom others gravitated.

Need a hand with something? Sheri’s hand was the first one offered. Totally messed up your knitting project? Sheri would have it all straightened out for you in a snap without making you feel like you were the most inept knitter in the world (which, you know, you really were). Need support for your idea to bring in pies to work on National Pi Day? Sheri was right there, brainstorming how to help you get this awesome idea approved.

Sheri wasn’t feeling well last month, so she went to see her doctor. She thought she might get an extra day or two off from work. Instead, she got a terminal cancer diagnosis.

This is what I said to her: Does that suck or what?

This is what she said to me: Did I tell you I got a llama? (Sheri knew that I loved llamas). His name is Lucas.

She heard about a llama that needed a home, so she put a pasture in her front yard and said, “Sure, we can take him.” Lucas came to live with them and spent time with the goats that she also took care of. One day when she went out a little late to feed the goats. they ran over to her and knocked her down. Lucas the llama saw this happen. He rushed to her side and stood there with her, watching over her, until someone came to help her up.
Lucas knows that he is a better llama for having known Sheri.

I am a better person for having known her.

Some random memories of Sheri:

The. Best. Knitter. Ever.
Raised rabbits
Was part of the Common Ground Fair every year
Loved Dunkin Donuts raspberry ice tea…and their chocolate chip cookies
Lover, rescuer, and caretaker of animals, big and small
Loved to troll the Portland Farmers Market every Wednesday morning
Browsed the cookbooks and the knitting books with me at Longfellow’s
Timed our breaks so we could eat and take walks together at work
Put in a big garden every year and put up the spoils

“They lived and laughed and loved and left.” James Joyce

Hair today, gone tomorrow

September 7, 2013 by Karen, posted in family, Midlife Crisis, teens

I have long hair. Whoops, I used to have long hair. I have a tradition. Every few years, when my hair gets long enough, I cut it off and donate it to Locks of Love. I have done this for years. My daughter donated her hair from her first hair cut.

I wasn’t sure how long it took me to regrow my braid so I checked back…had it been 3 years? Four? Nope. It’s been less than 2 year this time! Who knew my hair could still grow that fast?

The minimum required to make a wig is 10 inches, which is just what I gave this year.

This time, for some reason, my daughter tried to talk me out of it. I couldn’t figure out what the problem was, so I asked her,

And she told me. “Mom, I don’t think you look good with short hair.”

Once again proving that some things are better left unsaid.

An old dog, a new (cheap) trick (part one)

August 28, 2013 by Karen, posted in Date night, local fun, Marriage, Midlife Crisis, relationships, Turning 50

You know how they say that your tastes change as you get older? I have found this to be true in my own life.

I never liked cheese on my pizza. When I was little, maybe 4 or 5 years old, my parents used to scrape it off (and onto their own slices, I imagine) and tell me that they got some cheese-less pizza, “special” for me. That changed by the time I got to high school, when I ordered my pizza with ‘extra cheese’, just like everyone else.
I never liked seafood. With the exception of canned tuna (white, tuna, in water), and the odd clam strip filched from Dad’s plate once a year when we ate out at HoJo’s, nary a fish crossed my plate…for years. I didn’t start eating (fried only) seafood until I moved to Maine because, you know, it’s the law.
Melted American cheese. No, wait, I still hate that.

To approach this from the standpoint of musical tastes, I also have undergone a transformation. Back in the day, I liked The Cars. The Motels. Face to Face. Fleetwood Mac. Still do.

I didn’t like Kiss. Def Leppard. Guns N’ Roses. Headbanger music is what I called it. Poison. Motley Crew…and Cheap Trick. As my grandmother would say, I ‘had no use for them’.

Then I met my husband. The first time I got in his jeep and heard what he was listening to on the radio, I knew that we had, um, widely different tastes in music. I was a Kiss 108 kind of girl. He was an FNX (listen to it? I’d never even heard of it) kind of guy.

We met in the middle with John Mellencamp and Bon Jovi and made the best of it. I didn’t make him listen to my music and he didn’t make me listen to his.

Then Cheap Trick (did I mention that’s my husband’s favorite band?) came to town.

(to be continued…)

Lost at sea

August 24, 2013 by Karen, posted in local fun, Midlife Crisis, no fear, the beach

I love to go to the ocean. I go every day that I possibly can, rain or shine, summer or winter. Even if I only have 1 hour…hell, even if I only 5 minutes, I go.

One thing that I don’t often do, however, is swim in it. It’s not that I don’t want to (I do!), or that I am a wimp about how cold the Maine ocean water is (I am! But I go in any way!). It’s because I’m nearsighted.

Stupid reason not to go in? Maybe. If I am with others, it’s not so bad. I can take off my glasses and fear not: there are people other than me nearby with a stake in my well-being. I can be reasonably certain that I will make it back from the ocean, back to my glasses and thereby restoring my vision, within a reasonable time frame. When I am by myself, well, let’s just say that there are no guarantees.

But for the first time this year, I gave it a shot. I took off my glasses and put them in the case. I put the case into the bright pink beach bag that I brought with me. I positioned my chair so that it was right next to the stairs I took to get down to the beach. I took note of landmarks near my chair (2 large hotel/motel buildings). I walked a bee-line straight into the water. I continually checked my landmarks as best as I could while I was swimming.

When I was finished swimming and attempted to retrace my bee-line, I felt my confidence slipping as I neared where I thought I had left my things, but no bright pink bag was in sight. I was getting nervous…what would I do? I mentally rehearsed my opening line: “Excuse me-I know this is going to sound odd, but I’m lost…”

It was unnecessary after all. I suddenly saw my pink bag…2 people had put up their umbrella and placed their chairs directly in front of my spot.

Really? Really?

The next day I ordered some prescription swim goggles.