Tag: parents

The Annual Ides of March Quest for Fried Clams

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, Adult children, celebrations, comfort, family, good grief, quest for the best, restaurants

My dad’s last meal was fried clams.

Flashback to 1998. Dad was dying of lung cancer. The living room was dominated by the hospital bed sent by hospice once it was clear he could no longer manage the climb to the second floor bedroom. He had been in and out of consciousness for several days when he suddenly became alert again, like himself. This day also happened to be my mother’s birthday. She had died two years prior of cancer.

After he had been turning up his nose at solid food for days, he said he wanted to eat. What do you want, Dad? Whatever it is, we’ll get it.

He wanted fried clams and french fries from (the famous!) Kelly’s Roast Beef in Revere. So, my brother drove to Revere (not so very far from where we were) to get him what he wanted.

He ate and enjoyed every last bite.

And then he fell asleep, drifting into a coma from which he would not awaken. He died peacefully two days later on March 15, 1998.

Every year, I have fried clams on March 15th to commemorate this experience and to celebrate my Dad.

This year, at the recommendation of my friend Stephanie, we tried a new place in New Hampshire, Petey’s Summertime Seafood and Bar.

It was definitely worth the trip!

So maybe I expanded on the fried clams…Dad loved ice cream sundaes, too, and I am my father’s daughter. 🙂

And he loved martinis, dry, with two olives…but that’s a different story.

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**Disclaimer: This is my memory of this experience. Other’s remembrances may differ.**

BOOK REVIEW: ANGEL OF EVENTIDE by Elle Powers

by Karen, posted in Angels, author, book reviews, books, Brave books, family, relationships

I was pulled right in to the conversation between the angel and the woman at the outset of the book. But, is it an angel? Who is this woman?  I have many questions and so I press on, intensely interested in how the answers would they reveal themselves.

This is not only a story of compassion; it’s an epic love story.

It’s not a typical love story, however. I don’t want to give too much away, so I will tread carefully here.

It is the love story of Maren and Sea (pronounced “Shay” for Seamus). Maren is different from other girls. She doesn’t get sick. The ‘magic brownies’ her peers are eating don’t have any effect on her.

Maren is also a girl whose reckless behavior has placed her at the brink of death many times in her young life. At the age of ten, she is assigned an angel who literally rescues her from death and then proceeds to watch over her. What is unusual is this: Maren can see him. Maren has always been able to see the ‘folks’, as she refers to them. She has always has this special ability, to be able to see behind “The Mystic Curtain”, as her mother refers to it.

This book is so much more than a “romance between a fallen angel and a lost girl” (p 169). It is also the story of parents’ love for their child. Of God’s love for us. It’s a brilliant exploration of what it means to be mortal and immortal, angel and human, and how we all fit together into the larger story of life. When life feels like a punishment, perhaps it’s because we can’t see the whole story.

Near the end of the book is a reference to a song that only Maren was hearing (P 282-283) .

“Maren stirred to its dreamy rhythm, understanding that this was the song of the world–the composition of creation.”

This sentence immediately brought a song to mind. To me, it felt like a perfect description of this song sung by Andrea Bocelli, Canto Della Terra (Mighty Sun).

There are several quotes that I loved at the outset of each chapter, including one from The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer, one of my favorite books ever (p 225), so it was hard to  narrow it down to one favorite, but I managed.

My favorite quote from the book (P 214):

“The truth was that they were living out this story together; every heart in every age was essential and connected…and so their each and every choice mattered to the whole.”

Beautiful. Thank you, Elle Powers! Get this wonderful book, Angel of Eventide.

I leave you with this invitation: Treat yourself and listen to this song undistracted.

What goes around

by Karen, posted in Adult children, family, teens

When I graduated from high school, one of the things that I was given was a Lane cedar mini-keepsake box. I know this because, unlike other things I might have been given that day, I still have my Lane cedar mini-keepsake box. One of the reasons that I was so excited to receive it was because my mother had one. It had been on her bureau for as long as I could remember, and she kept who-knew-what in it. I didn’t know, because she kept it locked.

Darn!

Anyway, I keep important keepsakes in mine, like childhood memorabilia (my pet rock!), photos, a scrap of paper with my grandmother’s writing on it. That’s mine on the left. My daughter’s is on the right.

Fast forward to 2017, and my own daughter has graduated from high school. Lane stopped this practice of bestowing the boxes in the 1980’s, I believe, but I thought, wouldn’t it be cool if I got her one? I have seen a few here and there over the years, but they were in abysmal shape. Two days ago, I spotted one at a Flea Market on my way to Boothbay. When they saw my interest, the very nice couple behind the table started to tell me about the history of it. Hey, these were people who loved the story as much as the object! My kind of people!

Alas, the key was missing. In the past, this was a deal breaker for me. This time though, I decided to trust my gut and buy it anyway.

We presented it to my daughter today. My husband told her he would get a key for hers, making it truly a gift from both of her parents that I hope she will tell her own daughter about someday, as she presents her with one of her own.

Book Review: Pieces that Fit

by Karen, posted in author, books, Brave books, education, family, Life's too short to read bad books, writing

Pieces That Fit: A Mother’s Journey Through Her Son’s Puzzling Diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome by Karen Pieces That Fit coverMacNeill is an important book for anyone to read that has, or wonders what it is like to have, a child with different needs in the school system. I found it to be immediately relatable. There are so many passages that could be a page out of my own life, from sitting at the IEP table (p 25. ‘…the process is exhausting…’) to putting undeserved trust in educators who ultimately proved unworthy of that trust. I also love that Chandler and his family found their way with the help of some wonderful teachers and other professionals who were committed to his growth and well-being, both at school and long-term.

This book also reveals how important it is for parents to take nothing for granted and to be strong advocates for their children. The hope is that as the child gets older and witnesses his or her parents modeling this behavior at IEP meetings and elsewhere, they will learn to advocate for themselves, which Chandler has clearly done well. Yay, Karen and Jim! Writing honestly about your real life experience is a difficult and brave thing to do. Bottom line: Read this book!

After you read this book, read my book! One Brave Thing

Connection

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, friends, Holidays, Karen's Kitchen, my one word

I was just watching Valerie Bertinelli’s new cooking show on the Food Network. It turns out that Karen’s Kitchen isn’t so different from Valeries’s Kitchen. She lasagnawas making a buffet for a Christmas gathering and it consisted of lasagna, salad, and a favorite Italian cookie from childhood.

I realized as I watched that one of my own favorite Italian dinners is the same. The lasagna recipe I remember from my own family dinners of yore, salad, and a different cookie, but still a favorite Italian cookie that I grew up with (I am not surprised that both of our dessert recipes include chocolate… 🙂 ).

Of course there are some differences, the biggest of which is this: Valerie has both of her parents with her. Mine have long since departed.

At the end of the show, I was surprised to hear them talking about choosing a word for next year! Their words were much different from mine (Hello, ‘Butter’? ‘Bacon’? How did I not think of using a food as my one word? Ha!).

Lesson: we really are all connected, aren’t we? We can be connected to people that we have never met by our food and our (Italian) heritage, as in this case, but there are many other ways that we can find connection in our everyday lives.

 

 

Date night at the Ogunquit Playhouse

by Karen, posted in Date night, family, local fun, relationships, Someone's gotta say it, tweens

Avenue Q opened up the season at the Ogunquit Playhouse this year. The show is sort of a perversion of Sesame Street that is funny as hell and certainly worth seeing. The night we went was during one of the Bruins’ Playoff games (season ticket holders have only limited say over what night the tickets are for) and was the first show in years that my husband and I could remember that wasn’t sold out. It was still impressively full, though, considering (reference: Bruins’ Playoff game).

This show’s ticket has the warning not to bring children under 17 due to the explicit language and, um, live (puppet) sex onstage (two darn good reasons, don’t you think?) but then I read an interview with Brad Kenney this month in the York Independent and became confused. He is quoted in the article as qualifying the aforementioned good advice by saying:

“Well, we recommend parental discretion for anyone under 17–but, if you do bring them, you will be considered VERY cool! And they probably know all the songs anyway!”

Huh?

I attended a Playhouse show a couple of years ago (The Full Monty) which was a show (obviously) intended for adult audiences.  Parents in the front row somehow thought it would be okay to bring their kids to see it too, one of which looked to be about tween-aged. Not only was the poor boy uncomfortable, but the actors on the stage were uncomfortable as well! How do I know this? Because one of them gestured to the boy in the front row and made a comment about having a child in the audience cramping his style, or words to that effect.

Parents? Leave your kids at home for adult-themed live shows.

Brad? My 12-year-old does not already know any of the words to any of the songs in Avenue Q!

Divine Intervention

by Karen, posted in family, Midlife Crisis

One morning, as I was rushing around getting ready for my day, I finished getting dressed and then went to get my earrings. I reached  into the small vintage glass  Pyrex pudding dish where I keep the few pieces of jewelry that I wear most frequently, intending to get my favorites.

They were a pair of earrings that my husband gave me when we were dating. The emerald studs were chosen because a) they are my birthstone and b) they were replacing a pair I’d recently lost in his Jeep (and that’s all I have to say about that).

Anyway, I reached into the little dish and didn’t see them. I started moving the couple of other items around, thinking that they must be underneath something, but soon it was apparent that they were not in there. I looked around, thinking maybe I’d missed the dish when I went to drop them in the last time I’d worn them a few days prior, and that I’d find them right next to it, but I did not. I continued looking with more urgency, but it soon became apparent that they were not there.

I’ve had them for more than twenty years. Tears fell. I asked my son, my daughter, my husband. No one had seen them. I didn’t know where else to look. I decided to try something I’d tried when I’d lost something else recently: writing it on The Universe’s  “to do” list: Return my lost earrings to me today. Then I tried to put it out of my mind, hoping that The Universe would come through for me like it had last time I’d called upon it.

So. At the end of the day they had not shown up. The next day, I thought about revising my note and thought about what I’d written: to return them to me today. Realizing that my note was still good, I decided to just leave it alone and try once again not to think about the situation. Then at 4:30Pm I suddenly became aware of a clear thought that had formed in my mind:

“Look in the container by the door where you put your keys, watch, and phone when you come  home for the day.” Holding my breath, I looked in but at first didn’t see them, so I took the container over to the kitchen island and started removing the odds and ends that had collected in it…and there they were.

I WAS SO  HAPPY! Well, except for the fact that I have absolutely no memory of putting them in there whatsoever, and I am forced to acknowledge the simple fact that only I could have put them there, so I even though I found my earrings, it’s clear that I am losing my mind.

Hello, mid-life.

Write it down, make it happen

by Karen, posted in books, Date night, family, fitness, health, Life in the cube, Midlife Crisis, no fear, Someone's gotta say it, tweens, writing, yoga

Okay, it’s a book (not mine!) title. It occurred to me to apply the philosophy of: “If you build it, they will come” espoused by James Earl Jones and put into force by Kevin Costner in the Field of Dreams movie which coincidently (?!) contained a female lead character named “Karen” (not sure how she spelled it!) played by Amy Madigan.

I decided to build my perfect work day.

  1. Get up–not too early.
  2. Get some exercise. I like Stephen King’s idea from his book On Writing where he would take writing breaks and jump on the treadmill that was next to his writing desk (if memory serves). A little bit of yoga couldn’t hurt…
  3. Get some coffee–oh wait! That should be first!
  4. Get some breakfast (ABO…or “Anything But Oatmeal” :)).
  5. Write until noonish.
  6. Get some lunch.
  7. Check email, blogs, FB (you know, all the usual time-sucking suspects) etc.
  8. Read until 4pm. This is when I get to make a small dent in my pile of books, magazines that I am dying to read but have no time to.
  9. Get some more exercise…go for a walk? At the beach! Look for sea glass, sand dollars, unusual rocks and shells. Sigh. Life is Good.
  10. Watch DVD’s or preferred TV series of the moment (The Good Wife, Survivor, Breaking Bad) with my husband.

What does a perfect day for you look like? Quick! Go right it down; then maybe you can figure out a way to make it happen! 🙂

The ides of March~Grieving my dead relatives part 5

by Karen, posted in family, good grief
John

I always liked the sound of “The Ides of March” from when I’d first come upon the phrase in my reading of Shakespeare.

In 1998, it took on a new meaning: the day that my father died. He was on hospice so his death was no surprise. My mother’s (who had died 2 years and 2 weeks earlier) birthday was March 13. He hadn’t been eating or drinking much for several days before her birthday, but on that day, he perked up. He was laughing and joking, almost his old self. He sat up in his hospital bed (that was in the middle of the living room) and asked for a fried clam dinner with french fries and cole slaw and dinner rolls and God only knows what else.

So, my brother ran out to get his requested meal, which (as you probably guessed by now) turned out to be not only his last supper, but also his last lucid day. We didn’t think it was any coincidence that it was my mother’s birthday that he chose to perk up, or that 2 days later he followed her and died.

I like to have a fried clam dinner on or around March 15th in honor of my dad, like I buy primrose around February 29th in honor of my mother. The only problem now is…where to get it!

 

March 13

by Karen, posted in family, good grief
Family of heart shaped rocks from Ireland

My mother’s birthday is was March 13; she would have been 71 this year. I wasn’t going to write a post about her because I just published one a couple of weeks ago, but here we are. The day started off as many do, with a quick look at Facebook to see if anything was going on.

So, the first thing I saw was something posted by Jeannine entitled: A letter from Mom and Dad (dad died years ago on 3/15). I mean, are you kidding me? So I watched it, and cried. Off to a good start.

Next, another FB post, this time by my sister-in-law, where she describes the boiled dinner she is making today…Andrea mentions that she makes it the way her mother-in-law, my mother, did. Sniffle.

Then we went to my friend Susan’s house. She had recently been to Ireland and brought my daughter and me back some presents. Mine included a “family” of heart-shaped rocks. More tears.

After a bit, I pulled myself together and we chatted for a while, then we gathered around the laptop so that Susan could show us pictures of Ireland that she took during her trip. I reminded my daughter that we were half Irish, so she should be especially interested in viewing these pictures of the country. “I didn’t know you were Irish!” my friend said. Well, it’s no wonder, since I’m usually going on about my Italian heritage. My mother, however, was Irish.  I told Susan, “As a matter of fact, it’s her birthday today.” As we sat and watched Susan’s wonderful pictures of and stories about the places she had been (I nearly started crying again), I suddenly thought, “Okay, Ma, so you’re showing me that you’re here today, making sure that we remember you on your birthday! We do!”

And we did. Surrounded by love. Solid as a (heart-shaped) rock. 🙂

(Gee, maybe turning those clocks ahead really wreaked some havoc with my equilibrium!)