Tag: daughters

The Annual Ides of March Quest for Fried Clams

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, Adult children, celebrations, comfort, family, good grief, quest for the best, restaurants

My dad’s last meal was fried clams.

Flashback to 1998. Dad was dying of lung cancer. The living room was dominated by the hospital bed sent by hospice once it was clear he could no longer manage the climb to the second floor bedroom. He had been in and out of consciousness for several days when he suddenly became alert again, like himself. This day also happened to be my mother’s birthday. She had died two years prior of cancer.

After he had been turning up his nose at solid food for days, he said he wanted to eat. What do you want, Dad? Whatever it is, we’ll get it.

He wanted fried clams and french fries from (the famous!) Kelly’s Roast Beef in Revere. So, my brother drove to Revere (not so very far from where we were) to get him what he wanted.

He ate and enjoyed every last bite.

And then he fell asleep, drifting into a coma from which he would not awaken. He died peacefully two days later on March 15, 1998.

Every year, I have fried clams on March 15th to commemorate this experience and to celebrate my Dad.

This year, at the recommendation of my friend Stephanie, we tried a new place in New Hampshire, Petey’s Summertime Seafood and Bar.

It was definitely worth the trip!

So maybe I expanded on the fried clams…Dad loved ice cream sundaes, too, and I am my father’s daughter. 🙂

And he loved martinis, dry, with two olives…but that’s a different story.

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**Disclaimer: This is my memory of this experience. Other’s remembrances may differ.**

The BRAVE Interview #14 September 2017: Sylvia Wesley

by Karen, posted in Adult children, Being BRAVE, Catching women being brave, family, Interviews, relationships, The BRAVE Interviews, Travel, Turning 50

Here is this month’s BRAVE Interview with Sylvia Wesley! Enjoy!

  1. WHO are you? I’m a 61-year-old white woman—wife, mother, nurse, and pseudo-bon vivant!
  2. WHAT is your One Brave Thing? Sometimes I feel like just living every day is a Brave Thing and it is difficult to choose a single event!  As a nurse, it seems like so many of my ‘brave things’ encompass caring for people—my dad and my brother, who both died of cancer; my mom with multiple surgeries; friends with HIV/AIDS.  As a mom I gave birth to twins who were 10 weeks premature and their first 6 months of life was pretty hectic, to put it mildly.  As a wife, still being married after 38 years could be considered brave—but probably the bravest aspect there is that I married a black man in 1979, only 12 years after the Supreme Court ruled interracial marriage was not illegal, and our early years involved some struggles in a very white New England. So, after all that, I decided to choose a joyous adventure as my One Brave Thing—I went to Burning Man!
  3. WHEN did you do it? 8/28-9/1, 2006
  4. WHERE did it occur? Black Rock Desert, NV
  5. HOW did you make it happen? Mostly my daughter made the initial experience happen.  She had been going to Burning Man for a few years and always marveled at how awesome it was and she was sure I would love it.  So for my 50th birthday, I was given a ticket to TTITD (aka ‘that thing in the desert’).  Which meant I would be sharing camping space with 38,000+ other adventuring nomads for a week in rather hostile environmental conditions, and only knowing one other person.  A little scary having to be self-reliant in an unknown situation, camping with my daughter’s friends who only had her assurances that I was ‘fun, non-judgmental, fully capable of taking care of myself, and would not act like everybody’s mother.’  So I packed my bags and flew to LA.  We readied all our camping equipment, some party outfits, food and water for a week, and did a 12 hour ride/drive-share to the event with a heretofore unknown person.  After 12+ hours, in a very small mini-van, we were all fast friends.  Getting to and from is just as much of an adventure as being there!
  6. WHY did you do it? For the adventure!  It was one of the best experiences of my life—the bigger-than-life art, the music, the people, the sense of oneness—all magnificent.  I came away with a whole new sense of self.  And as my daughter predicted, I would want to go every year after that, and did so for the next 7 years.  ‘Life’ has since interrupted my annual trek, and I have not been for the past 3 years, but look forward to resuming visits to my personal Mecca in the near future.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Sylvia!

If anybody wants to learn more about the culture that is Burning Man, go to https://burningman.org/

Read the other BRAVE interviews here: https://kwrites.com/?s=The+BRAVE+Interview

If you would like to be interviewed for this series about something brave you have done in your life, email me at kmcwrites@gmail.com!

What goes around

by Karen, posted in Adult children, family, teens

When I graduated from high school, one of the things that I was given was a Lane cedar mini-keepsake box. I know this because, unlike other things I might have been given that day, I still have my Lane cedar mini-keepsake box. One of the reasons that I was so excited to receive it was because my mother had one. It had been on her bureau for as long as I could remember, and she kept who-knew-what in it. I didn’t know, because she kept it locked.

Darn!

Anyway, I keep important keepsakes in mine, like childhood memorabilia (my pet rock!), photos, a scrap of paper with my grandmother’s writing on it. That’s mine on the left. My daughter’s is on the right.

Fast forward to 2017, and my own daughter has graduated from high school. Lane stopped this practice of bestowing the boxes in the 1980’s, I believe, but I thought, wouldn’t it be cool if I got her one? I have seen a few here and there over the years, but they were in abysmal shape. Two days ago, I spotted one at a Flea Market on my way to Boothbay. When they saw my interest, the very nice couple behind the table started to tell me about the history of it. Hey, these were people who loved the story as much as the object! My kind of people!

Alas, the key was missing. In the past, this was a deal breaker for me. This time though, I decided to trust my gut and buy it anyway.

We presented it to my daughter today. My husband told her he would get a key for hers, making it truly a gift from both of her parents that I hope she will tell her own daughter about someday, as she presents her with one of her own.

My foremothers

by Karen, posted in family, good grief

This is the first Mother’s Day in 3 years that I have had the day off from work.

YAY!

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It gave me more time to spend with my kids, for which I am endlessly grateful. It also gave me more time for reflection, for which I am also very grateful. In years past, I have gone to the ocean to remember my mother and grandmothers, which I got to do today.

In the past, I have written about ‘grieving my dead relatives’ quite often. Today, for some reason, I feel inspired to put up their wedding pictures instead.

My mother and grandmothers: strong, confident, capable women, all. Even if they didn’t always know it.

All are greatly loved and missed.

Just for fun, I am adding a wedding picture of my own (recently taken when renewing our commitment to one another).

Me and Bill

Happy Mother’s Day!!

Give me the flowers

by Karen, posted in Angels, Grace, local fun, Metaphysical healing, my one word

This month, I felt drawn to attend one of Melissa Boyd’s programs where she channels messages from spirit, but I had no one to go with. By nature I am an introvert, and typically I am not a person who likes to go Tulipsplaces alone. Other than, you know, a coffee shop with a book.

Anyway, this month marks the 20th anniversary of the death of my mother (on leap day).  I think that’s why this month, I felt there was a good chance I might get a message from her, so I put on my big girl panties (actually, my big girl thermal panties -it was -3 degrees!) and went by myself.

Right away, I noticed the pretty pink vase with 3 tulips on the table. Three is my favorite number, and tulips are one of my favorite flowers. I thought that after the program, I might ask Melissa who did the flowers for the event so I could get me some of those flowers, and get me one of those pink vases.

Anyway, in the last ten minutes of the program I realized that I was not going to be one of the lucky ones who got a channeled message. I felt that my mother was there, though! I felt sad and disappointed that she didn’t get a chance to speak to me. I consoled myself with the knowledge that the other people present needed their messages more urgently than I did.

But you know, I wanted some validation that she really was there.

And then I heard Melissa say that she intended to raffle off the vases of flowers.

🙂

So I sent my mother a message: “Ma, if you’re here, give me the flowers”.

They called the first number.

Mine.

Thanks, Ma.

Postscript: It gets better. When I got into the car to go home, a song came on the radio. Here’s an excerpt:

“And I have need for nothing more
Oh now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes You are here with me.”

(From Mountain of God by Third Day)

 

Message from Mom

by Karen, posted in Angels, family, good grief, He and me

mom for blogSo I had a visit last night from my mother. She died in 1996.

She visited me in a dream. She was wearing a long white dress that was cinched in at the waist with a sash that I think was also white. I should note that she never dressed like that in real life.  Anyway, it was a slimmer, younger, healthy version of her (she was quite ill when she died) and she came to tell me something. When my mother comes through to me in my dreams, she never actually speaks out loud; she communicates with me through thoughts. Anyway, she came to give me a message and in the dream, I had the thought that this must be very important information for me to know, since she made the trip to tell me this, and that I better remember it.

Later on when I woke for the day, I remembered the dream very clearly. I remember my thoughts about the message too. What I DON’T remember is this: WHAT THE MESSAGE WAS!

I tried over and over to get it back, but it’s gone.
I told my husband this, and as I was telling him, the tears started.

He: Why are you crying?
Me: I don’t know! Because I can’t remember what the message was!

He: Don’t worry. You got the message. Just because you can’t remember it consciously doesn’t mean you didn’t get. It’s in your subconscious. You have it.

I immediately felt the truth of what he was saying. Every so often, my husband says exactly the right words to me at exactly the right time.

And then he sort of shuddered.

Me: What was that?
He: I got a chill.

So now I get it. That was my mother there in the car with us.

🙂

Alive and Kickin’

by Karen, posted in family, Midlife Crisis, teens

ipodWant to make your daughter’s day?  Sing a song from your youth. I did this today, and in front of her friend, no less. What the hell was I thinking? I don’t know. I was inspired. In my defense, the song came on after “Operator” by Lady Gaga, catching me a little off guard. Yes, it is my iPod, but it’s a few  years old and I haven’t used it in a while- maybe 6 months- so I wasn’t sure exactly what’s on it.

So, the song was Tighter, Tighter by Alive and Kickin’. When I was ten years old, my parents gave me a record player for some occasion or other (birthday? Christmas? I forget) and this was one of the three 45’s that they gave me with it.  The others were Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes by Edison Lighthouse and Band of Gold by Freda Payne.

Because I loved these songs (this was before I discovered David Cassidy), I played them over and over. Or maybe it was because I only had these three records. Whatever. The point is this:  Tighter, Tighter came out in 1970. Here I am in 2013 singing it and I remember all of the words (okay, most of them). Right? And not just this song; I remember the words to the other two songs too (and it must be said: much to my daughter’s chagrin).

Here’s what I wish: that Calculus had been set to music, because I couldn’t solve a theorem today to save my life,  despite 4 courses in Calculus in both high school and college–elective courses. Yep, I took Calculus in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s because I liked it . In 2013, however, I don’t know cosines from shinola.

Note to mathematicians: If you all had set Calculus to music. I’d be a lot smarter today.

Mantra for 2013

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, family, Midlife Crisis, restaurants, teens

At a company that I worked for a while back, the atmosphere was dark and heavy. People often described the job as “Well, it is what it is.” Body language and facial expressions left no doubt that what it was, well, was yucky.

After years of hearing this “It is what it is” crap, it became kind of ingrained in my subconscious. This phrase popped up in all kinds of situations that were unpleasant. “It is what it is” makes you feel powerless, even desperate.

I was thinking about it this morning as I drove to work. It’s New Year’s Day. I had gotten up extra early (hello, can you say 4:15AM?) so I could make a stop on my way. My quest for an early morning breakfast treat (a small baked good; not too much to ask for, right?) proved fruitless, because even though the McD’s and Dunkin Donuts in Sanford and Wells are open at 5AM, the McD”s and Dunkin Donuts in Kennebunk, alas, are not.

There I sat at 4:55AM, waiting for the drive thru to open up. At 5:03AM it occurred to me to give a quick check of the hours sign at the front door and I realized my error. I got on the highway, thinking that I would still have just enough time to go to the DD’s close  to my job (the bad one that I have been avoiding since the cashier dumped an early morning coffee on a colleague).

I made it in time, got to the drive thru, and (hurray!) ordered my coffee and muffin. The clerk interrupted my happy dance to say, “Well, the muffins aren’t ready yet.”
What?

What?

My first thought was (you guessed it), “It is what it is.” Then, it occurred to me that this is indicative a Bad Attitude. I am not going to start my new year off with that old shoe on my foot. I’m going to put my best foot forward in 2013 and so I’ve adopted a new mantra:

“It is what you make it.”

When I got home from work, my daughter (who knew nothing about my morning) had a surprise waiting for me on the kitchen island:

Bran muffin from Hannaford
Bran muffin from Hannaford

This reminded me of another (worthy) mantra:
“Life is good.”

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 :

Brave the movie

by Karen, posted in family, local fun, movies, no fear, teens

Brave in a nutshell: Best hair in a movie–ever. Lots of slap stick humor. Butts abound. There is one anomaly: a mother.

This is a Disney film, after all, but it includes a mother. Any of you who grew up with Bambi, The Little Mermaid, Pocahontas, Cinderella…evil stepmothers notwithstanding, there are no living birth mothers in this crowd.

In Brave, however, Merida has one. Does she get to keep her? Well, yes. And no. And yes.

I took my daughter and her friend to see this movie, but it was really more like they took me. I am the one that really wanted to see it. They were sort of humoring me, I think. In the end, though, they both said they liked it as much as I did. They especially liked Merida’s trio of terrible brothers. Okay, fine. So did I.

The central conflict in the movie is this: it’s ‘time’ for Merida to step up and be the princess that her mother has been grooming her to be since birth, and Merida is not the least bit interested in doing this. For (not) the first time in the history of the world, what a mother desires for her daughter and what a daughter desires for herself are two very different things.
From there, a metaphorical battle ensues between mother and daughter as they each try to make the other come around to their own point of view.

Go; see if the twain shall meet.

Girls of a feather

by Karen, posted in health, local fun, Midlife Crisis, no fear, teens, Turning 50

My daughter and I got matching feathers a few months ago. Why? I don’t know. We were at a business expo and there was someone offering to feather people for $5. She said it usually costs $8 but it was a special price Today Only (certainly we’ve all heard that before).

Anyway, she wanted one so I figured it was harmless enough so we got in line. Izzy got to choose her feather from a box of multicolored styles of varying lengths. Once it was in, it looked…FABULOUS! As we walked around the expo, I was liking her new feather so much, then I had a sudden thought:

“I want one!”

So, since this is My Year of Turning 50, and I made the decision previously to follow any and all whims as they arise, I got one.

After a few weeks of living with the feathers, Izzy and I liked them so much, that we returned to Melissa at her regular place of business and got a second one.

Was that wrong?
So far, they are holding up pretty well, except that my pink feather is now completely white, which is not a problem.
🙂