Tag: mothers

The BRAVE Interview #22 May 2018: Melanie Delorme

by Karen, posted in Being BRAVE, books, Brave books, Catching women being brave, Clarity, comfort, family, Interviews, relationships, The BRAVE Interviews

Welcome to this month’s BRAVE Interview with Melanie Delorme!

I am a teacher, a wife, a mother, an author who was given the role of bereaved mom in 2008 when my 8-year-old son, Garrett, was accidentally shot and killed in a hunting accident.

It would have been so easy to allow this horrific experience to define me as a grief-stricken mom for the rest of my life. I’m not sure how long it took me to realize that Garrett deserved a better legacy than that.

I also realized that healing and moving forward was my choice.

I try to choose every day to celebrate Garrett’s life and to remember that knowing him for eight years made me a better person.

I spent a lot of time writing in a journal during the first few years after Garrett’s death. I have since turned my writing into a book and published it. It is entitled, After the Flowers Die: A Handbook of Heartache, Hope and Healing After Losing a Child. I do not want any bereaved parent to ever feel alone.  I have recently created a website, promoted my book at book signings, participated in my first TV interview, participated in a live grief webinar. Currently I am working on creating a journaling course for grieving parents.

When I think about the word Brave, I realize that sometimes bravery is simply getting out of bed and facing the world every day.

Sometimes bravery feels more like survival. While I don’t feel brave every day, I will continue to choose to move forward keeping my son’s memory alive through my writing and speaking.

My website: www.MelanieDelorme.com

My book on Amazon:  After the Flowers Die: A Handbook of Heartache, Hope and Healing After Losing a Child

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Melanie!

Read the other BRAVE Interviews here: The BRAVE Interviews

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE INTERVIEWED FOR THIS SERIES ABOUT SOMETHING BRAVE YOU HAVE DONE IN YOUR OWN LIFE, SEND ME AN EMAIL HERE: karen@karencreamer.com

What goes around

by Karen, posted in Adult children, family, teens

When I graduated from high school, one of the things that I was given was a Lane cedar mini-keepsake box. I know this because, unlike other things I might have been given that day, I still have my Lane cedar mini-keepsake box. One of the reasons that I was so excited to receive it was because my mother had one. It had been on her bureau for as long as I could remember, and she kept who-knew-what in it. I didn’t know, because she kept it locked.

Darn!

Anyway, I keep important keepsakes in mine, like childhood memorabilia (my pet rock!), photos, a scrap of paper with my grandmother’s writing on it. That’s mine on the left. My daughter’s is on the right.

Fast forward to 2017, and my own daughter has graduated from high school. Lane stopped this practice of bestowing the boxes in the 1980’s, I believe, but I thought, wouldn’t it be cool if I got her one? I have seen a few here and there over the years, but they were in abysmal shape. Two days ago, I spotted one at a Flea Market on my way to Boothbay. When they saw my interest, the very nice couple behind the table started to tell me about the history of it. Hey, these were people who loved the story as much as the object! My kind of people!

Alas, the key was missing. In the past, this was a deal breaker for me. This time though, I decided to trust my gut and buy it anyway.

We presented it to my daughter today. My husband told her he would get a key for hers, making it truly a gift from both of her parents that I hope she will tell her own daughter about someday, as she presents her with one of her own.

The BRAVE Interview #11 June 2017: Chris Ann

by Karen, posted in family, Functional Health, health, Interviews, The BRAVE Interviews

Here is this month’s BRAVE Interview with Chris Ann:

The concept of being brave has never been a foreign one to me. Bravery is what I have embodied through out my life. I was brave when I become very ill as a child and had to suffer painful stomach problems when the doctors could not figure the issues until I was an adult. Bravery is what I had to channel when I was a young woman going to the big city of Boston to be an intern. I was so scared to take the train in by myself and navigate the streets of Boston to later become the youngest, degreed Sign Language Interpreter in the State of Massachusetts. I was brave when I was no longer able to work due to a life altering work injury. I was brave when I suffered miscarriage after miscarriage in my pursuit of being a Mom. Brave was all that I could be!

Throughout my life, I was the one with the brave face. I was brave when I finally become pregnant and the local hospital did not believe me and proceed to give me 8 abdominal x-Rays and 2 abdominal CT scans. I was very brave when they later told me that I was in fact pregnant but not to expect my baby to survive. I was brave and defiant in the face of extreme adversity but my tenacity, stubbornness and inner sense of knowing kept me going for the next 8 months and my baby was born!

I was brave when I knew he had extreme health issues and I went from doctor to doctor looking for a knowledgeable and friendly soul who would listen. I suffered tremendous disappointment in the medical system as they ignored my son’s suffering. I never revealed that I was an internationally renowned Psychic because it would not have made a difference. If they could not listen to me as a mom then they were not able to hear! I was used to working with the deaf population but the medical field was truly full of individuals who refused to listen!

There were days that I was so discouraged but my son was more than worth any of the insulting comments, strange looks and a general sense of disbelief! It look 8 years before a doctor came into our lives who suspected my son had a rare disease. He was in fact diagnosed with Ehlers-Dalos Syndrome. A rare disease that causes extreme hypermobility, subluxations, dislocations, fractures, digestive issues, headaches, falling, exhaustion and more! We had some answers!

But we were not done yet! He had started to vomit more and more. Of course everyone dismissed it as nerves, etc. I insisted that vomiting 8-9 times a day every day for months was not nerves! He has lost 20 pounds in less than 1 month when I finally begged the gastrointestinal to do a colonoscopy. I was brave to even want that test for my now 9-year-old. Every adult knows the unpleasant nature of such a test but I felt it was the answer we were needing.

So glad I’m a Psychic because I was right! He was covered in open sores throughout his entire gastrointestinal tract. He had Crohn’s Disease from mouth to anus. I was incensed that my son had suffered for so long when I clearly told them what was going on! I needed to brave as we focused on the journey to health. The doctors reassured us that chemotherapy was the answer for both diseases and it would put him in remission. I had such a bad feeling and was reluctant but I knew we needed something. The plan was chemotherapy for life but we were assured that remission was within months.

A year later, here we sit. In as much pain as ever. Vomiting lessened but is still a regular part of life. Mobility is a daily challenge. He has lost all his friends and is unable to attend school. My now 10-year-old has never had the promised remission and the assurances of a quick turn to good health has passed us by. Life is full of doctor appointments, trips to the bathroom, and laying in bed with profound sadness. My daily hope and wish is to hear laughter and see a smile. Some days I get my wish and other days I don’t.

When I think of what it means to be brave, my struggles are so minuscule compared the bravery that my son exemplifies minute to minute. He has carved out a new path for his life with connections on Xbox and YouTube. He is trying to reach out to a global community through touching souls while they have no idea of his constant struggle and pain. He has taught me the real definition for BRAVERY! I’m so proud to be his Mom because he is the greatest teacher I have ever met and ever will meet. He is my joy and it’s my honor to hold his hand through live as we brave it together!

If you wish to connect with my son on YouTube and watch his channel, it is gamingwithconnor1

Connect on Xbox 1 at R56COOPERSLCI

He is always looking for friends!  Thanks for your bravery in our story!

Thank you for sharing your brave story, Chris Ann!

Read the other BRAVE interviews here: https://kwrites.com/?s=The+BRAVE+Interview

If you would like to be interviewed for this series about something brave you have done in your life, email me at kmcwrites.com, or message me on my Facebook author page: https://www.facebook.com/k.m.creamer.author/

Hello from Heaven

by Karen, posted in Adult children, Angels, family, good grief, relationships
big-nana
Big Nana with her great-granddaughter Ariana in her kitchen in Nantasket

As I recently wrote, my son moved into his new apartment. Apartments, as we all know, usually need furniture. As a mother, I want to (over) help him with this. When I got my first apartment, my mother and my grandmother went to great lengths to make sure I had everything I might need or want, opening their cupboards, closets, drawers, and wallets to help me get things I didn’t even know I would need. I always knew that I would do the same for my own children one day.

The current need for my son’s apartment is for a kitchen table and chairs. I remembered my grandmother’s kitchen table has been stored at my brother’s house for years. I checked to make sure it was still there and usable. My brother determined (after some digging) that it was.
I started thinking of how my grandmother, Big Nana, spent most of her life helping her family. She has been dead since 2004, but she is still helping her family all these years after her death. Because now her kitchen table and chairs, at which we ate so many wonderful, lovingly prepared meals, will now serve my son and his girlfriend.

And here is the biggest gift of all: when my brother was looking for the chairs, he found a photo Nana, as well as some of my mother and father that I have never seen before.

It feels like they are all saying ‘Hello’ to us from heaven tonight, and letting us know that they are still watching over us and taking care of us, even though they are not here physically with us anymore.

What a wonderful start to 2017.

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My foremothers

by Karen, posted in family, good grief

This is the first Mother’s Day in 3 years that I have had the day off from work.

YAY!

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It gave me more time to spend with my kids, for which I am endlessly grateful. It also gave me more time for reflection, for which I am also very grateful. In years past, I have gone to the ocean to remember my mother and grandmothers, which I got to do today.

In the past, I have written about ‘grieving my dead relatives’ quite often. Today, for some reason, I feel inspired to put up their wedding pictures instead.

My mother and grandmothers: strong, confident, capable women, all. Even if they didn’t always know it.

All are greatly loved and missed.

Just for fun, I am adding a wedding picture of my own (recently taken when renewing our commitment to one another).

Me and Bill

Happy Mother’s Day!!

Book Review: Pieces that Fit

by Karen, posted in author, books, Brave books, education, family, Life's too short to read bad books, writing

Pieces That Fit: A Mother’s Journey Through Her Son’s Puzzling Diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome by Karen Pieces That Fit coverMacNeill is an important book for anyone to read that has, or wonders what it is like to have, a child with different needs in the school system. I found it to be immediately relatable. There are so many passages that could be a page out of my own life, from sitting at the IEP table (p 25. ‘…the process is exhausting…’) to putting undeserved trust in educators who ultimately proved unworthy of that trust. I also love that Chandler and his family found their way with the help of some wonderful teachers and other professionals who were committed to his growth and well-being, both at school and long-term.

This book also reveals how important it is for parents to take nothing for granted and to be strong advocates for their children. The hope is that as the child gets older and witnesses his or her parents modeling this behavior at IEP meetings and elsewhere, they will learn to advocate for themselves, which Chandler has clearly done well. Yay, Karen and Jim! Writing honestly about your real life experience is a difficult and brave thing to do. Bottom line: Read this book!

After you read this book, read my book! One Brave Thing

Give me the flowers

by Karen, posted in Angels, Grace, local fun, Metaphysical healing, my one word

This month, I felt drawn to attend one of Melissa Boyd’s programs where she channels messages from spirit, but I had no one to go with. By nature I am an introvert, and typically I am not a person who likes to go Tulipsplaces alone. Other than, you know, a coffee shop with a book.

Anyway, this month marks the 20th anniversary of the death of my mother (on leap day).  I think that’s why this month, I felt there was a good chance I might get a message from her, so I put on my big girl panties (actually, my big girl thermal panties -it was -3 degrees!) and went by myself.

Right away, I noticed the pretty pink vase with 3 tulips on the table. Three is my favorite number, and tulips are one of my favorite flowers. I thought that after the program, I might ask Melissa who did the flowers for the event so I could get me some of those flowers, and get me one of those pink vases.

Anyway, in the last ten minutes of the program I realized that I was not going to be one of the lucky ones who got a channeled message. I felt that my mother was there, though! I felt sad and disappointed that she didn’t get a chance to speak to me. I consoled myself with the knowledge that the other people present needed their messages more urgently than I did.

But you know, I wanted some validation that she really was there.

And then I heard Melissa say that she intended to raffle off the vases of flowers.

🙂

So I sent my mother a message: “Ma, if you’re here, give me the flowers”.

They called the first number.

Mine.

Thanks, Ma.

Postscript: It gets better. When I got into the car to go home, a song came on the radio. Here’s an excerpt:

“And I have need for nothing more
Oh now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes You are here with me.”

(From Mountain of God by Third Day)

 

Message from Mom

by Karen, posted in Angels, family, good grief, He and me

mom for blogSo I had a visit last night from my mother. She died in 1996.

She visited me in a dream. She was wearing a long white dress that was cinched in at the waist with a sash that I think was also white. I should note that she never dressed like that in real life.  Anyway, it was a slimmer, younger, healthy version of her (she was quite ill when she died) and she came to tell me something. When my mother comes through to me in my dreams, she never actually speaks out loud; she communicates with me through thoughts. Anyway, she came to give me a message and in the dream, I had the thought that this must be very important information for me to know, since she made the trip to tell me this, and that I better remember it.

Later on when I woke for the day, I remembered the dream very clearly. I remember my thoughts about the message too. What I DON’T remember is this: WHAT THE MESSAGE WAS!

I tried over and over to get it back, but it’s gone.
I told my husband this, and as I was telling him, the tears started.

He: Why are you crying?
Me: I don’t know! Because I can’t remember what the message was!

He: Don’t worry. You got the message. Just because you can’t remember it consciously doesn’t mean you didn’t get. It’s in your subconscious. You have it.

I immediately felt the truth of what he was saying. Every so often, my husband says exactly the right words to me at exactly the right time.

And then he sort of shuddered.

Me: What was that?
He: I got a chill.

So now I get it. That was my mother there in the car with us.

🙂

Brave the movie

by Karen, posted in family, local fun, movies, no fear, teens

Brave in a nutshell: Best hair in a movie–ever. Lots of slap stick humor. Butts abound. There is one anomaly: a mother.

This is a Disney film, after all, but it includes a mother. Any of you who grew up with Bambi, The Little Mermaid, Pocahontas, Cinderella…evil stepmothers notwithstanding, there are no living birth mothers in this crowd.

In Brave, however, Merida has one. Does she get to keep her? Well, yes. And no. And yes.

I took my daughter and her friend to see this movie, but it was really more like they took me. I am the one that really wanted to see it. They were sort of humoring me, I think. In the end, though, they both said they liked it as much as I did. They especially liked Merida’s trio of terrible brothers. Okay, fine. So did I.

The central conflict in the movie is this: it’s ‘time’ for Merida to step up and be the princess that her mother has been grooming her to be since birth, and Merida is not the least bit interested in doing this. For (not) the first time in the history of the world, what a mother desires for her daughter and what a daughter desires for herself are two very different things.
From there, a metaphorical battle ensues between mother and daughter as they each try to make the other come around to their own point of view.

Go; see if the twain shall meet.

Girls of a feather

by Karen, posted in health, local fun, Midlife Crisis, no fear, teens, Turning 50

My daughter and I got matching feathers a few months ago. Why? I don’t know. We were at a business expo and there was someone offering to feather people for $5. She said it usually costs $8 but it was a special price Today Only (certainly we’ve all heard that before).

Anyway, she wanted one so I figured it was harmless enough so we got in line. Izzy got to choose her feather from a box of multicolored styles of varying lengths. Once it was in, it looked…FABULOUS! As we walked around the expo, I was liking her new feather so much, then I had a sudden thought:

“I want one!”

So, since this is My Year of Turning 50, and I made the decision previously to follow any and all whims as they arise, I got one.

After a few weeks of living with the feathers, Izzy and I liked them so much, that we returned to Melissa at her regular place of business and got a second one.

Was that wrong?
So far, they are holding up pretty well, except that my pink feather is now completely white, which is not a problem.
🙂