Tag: marriage

BOOK REVIEW: The Last Anniversary by Liane Moriarty

by Karen, posted in author, book reviews, books, love and marriage

I loved this book The Last Anniversary by Liane Moriarty.
It’s about husbands and wives and mothers and daughters and sisters and any practically any other relationships you can think of, including one’s relationship with oneself. Boom.

Real, messy, honest relationships.

One note: Pay attention at the beginning of the book because you will be introduced to several characters and you don’t want to be distracted or multitasking and get confused.

Like I did. 

No problem, though. I just referred to the drawing at the beginning of the book and it straightened me right out.

The best quote from the book is on page 128, a wife thinking about her husband:

“She’d hated him for a while over that. Really hated him. But then she just got tired of hating him and started loving him again. It was easier.”

This book has a twist at the end that I never saw coming. Totally worth reading. I had a hard time putting it down once I started reading it. I had the characters dancing around in my head at the oddest moments.

And is one of the marks of a truly great book?

Get it here: The Last Anniversary by Liane Moriarty. I highly recommend this book and any of her other books (I wrote about one of them  in the past, What Alice Forgot.

Book Review: Pieces that Fit

by Karen, posted in author, books, Brave books, education, family, Life's too short to read bad books, writing

Pieces That Fit: A Mother’s Journey Through Her Son’s Puzzling Diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome by Karen Pieces That Fit coverMacNeill is an important book for anyone to read that has, or wonders what it is like to have, a child with different needs in the school system. I found it to be immediately relatable. There are so many passages that could be a page out of my own life, from sitting at the IEP table (p 25. ‘…the process is exhausting…’) to putting undeserved trust in educators who ultimately proved unworthy of that trust. I also love that Chandler and his family found their way with the help of some wonderful teachers and other professionals who were committed to his growth and well-being, both at school and long-term.

This book also reveals how important it is for parents to take nothing for granted and to be strong advocates for their children. The hope is that as the child gets older and witnesses his or her parents modeling this behavior at IEP meetings and elsewhere, they will learn to advocate for themselves, which Chandler has clearly done well. Yay, Karen and Jim! Writing honestly about your real life experience is a difficult and brave thing to do. Bottom line: Read this book!

After you read this book, read my book! One Brave Thing

He and me

by Karen, posted in love and marriage, relationships
Goethe, The Literary Outpost cat-thanks to Sheila Brownlow for the image!
Goethe, The Literary Outpost cat-thanks to Sheila Brownlow for the image!

Me: We should get a cat and a dog.

He: What?

Me: We should get a cat and a dog.

He: Why?

Me: Because. I want a cat and you want a dog.

He: But I hate cats.

Me: I know, but that’s not your fault (he really does have some valid reasons for this from childhood which I will not go into here). And I love cats.

Me: (Smiling winningly)

He: If you get a cat, I’ll kill myself.

The End

 

Mental health break

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, family, italian, Marriage, NaNoWriMo, restaurants, writing

IMG_0012I took a two-day break from Nano writing and went away overnight to celebrate my husband’s birthday (and, you know, to take a break from sitting! At the computer! Writing! OMG! I haven’t been able to feel two of the fingers on my left hand for a week!).  We had supper at Nolita,  a new-ish Italian restaurant in York that we like.

I felt a little bad that he hadn’t had a cake on his birthday and gotten to hear the sweet strains of the “Happy Birthday to You” song wafting toward his ears on his day, but so be it. We wanted to have the cake with the entire family, and that couldn’t happen until the following day.

When we arrived at the restaurant, my husband had to run back to the car to get his reading glasses (he is so not into my rendition of “This is what’s on the menu” that he’d rather run back out into the 27 degree cold dark night that to listen to it).

That’s when the waitress came over and I mentioned it was my husband’s birthday. She said, “Does he like tiramisu?  We give a free tiramisu for someone’s birthday.”

Now, Bill does not like tiramisu, but oh my God! I love it!  But, it was his birthday after all, so I asked if there were other dessert options and she said they have gelato. As (my) luck would have it, I’m pretty sure the only thing he dislikes more than tiramisu is gelato.

“Yes, he does like tiramisu! Bring that!” I said, conscience clear.

What I hadn’t realized (and in fairness to me, I was halfway through my Italia Margarita at the time) was that said tiramisu would be accompanied by, um, fanfare. And I’m pretty sure that if there is one thing Bill dislikes more than gelato and tiramisu, it’s fanfare. In our 26 or more (we can’t agree on this) years together, he has never, ever seen a cake coming toward him with a gaggle of servers singing the birthday song to him.

And yet, I lived to tell the tale, so it’s all good.

Also, that tiramisu rocked!

 

 

 

An old dog, a new (cheap) trick (part two)

by Karen, posted in local fun, Marriage, relationships

robinThen Cheap Trick (did I mention that’s my husband’s favorite band?) came to town.

Sure, they had come to town before, but he never brought it up and I never did either. It was the elephant in the room until the show date came and went. There were usually plenty of good reasons (child care issues, work schedule conflicts, just a little too far away) why we both couldn’t have gone together to the show anyway. Oh, and also, I didn’t like Cheap Trick. I was perhaps the only person who didn’t think Robin Zander was hot.

Once, years ago, I casually mentioned to my husband that if I spent enough time around someone (read: a guy), I could find something about him to like.  After I got over the shock of realizing that he actually pays attention to what I say, I realized that he also used this to his advantage. Well, to our advantage. He started playing Cheap Trick music in the car when I with him-a cheap attempt to get me to ‘spend some time’ with Cheap Trick.

He also took me to the venue where they were playing a few weeks in advance to get familiar with the area. We spent several hours exploring and learning our way around, thereby exponentially increasing my comfort level.  The end result was this: a week before the show, I was singing along to Cheap Trick songs and looking forward to the show.

Me.

I know, right?

It was awesome. I had a great time. Oh, and now I am perhaps the only person who does think that Robin Zander is hot.

Just sayin’.

Get out of your rut

by Karen, posted in Date night, fitness, local fun, Marriage, Midlife Crisis, no fear, relationships, Turning 50

In the interest of getting out of my rut, my husband and I went away…to the other side of town.

One of the perks was that the facility had a pool. No big whoop for me, because I don’t much like chlorinated pools. My husband does though, so even though it was late (9:30pm is late when you are usually in bed by then), and even though it was freezing out, and even though it was snowing out, and even though we had to walk outside (the equivalent of about 3 blocks, maybe, but still) to get to said pool, and even though I had to put on a bathing suit in February…I went with him.

I took swimming lessons when I was 12, but it never clicked for me. I was always awkward in the water, so do not consider myself a swimmer.

My husband is a great swimmer.

I had planned to sit on the side of the pool and watch him, but he convinced me to swim a little…and guess what?  

I swam the length of the pool 3 times! I enjoyed it! I wanted to stay longer! I didn’t even mind the walk back to the room!

Go figure. Maybe there are things that you can do but haven’t you haven’t tried because you keep telling yourself that you can’t.

What if you can?

Decluttering

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, Marriage, my one word, Pantry Project, relationships, shopping

In the March 2012 issue of her magazine, Oprah says, “Identifying the cause of your clutter is the first step to getting it under control,” p.31.

Ya think?

Just in case that’s true…I thought about it in relation to my pantry, because food clutter is one of the areas with which I struggle (read: argue about with my husband). I look in my overflowing pantry and see safety, security, love. My husband looks in and sees clutter, chaos, disarray.

It’s a problem.

He is to the point now where he won’t even look in there to see if we have the can of tomato sauce, box of spaghetti, or whatever he needs to make supper that night. He would rather go to the store and buy what he needs, thereby completely avoiding the pantry and hopefully (but not usually) a fight.

Well, Oprah, let’s see if you and Peter Walsh can help us out. I’ll read the article and see if I can be helped. Peter’s idea in a nutshell is to pare down your belongings to basically nothing so they don’t have to be stored, dusted, arranged, etc.

Don’t think so.

My idea is this: get a bigger pantry. Just sayin’.

Another book to read

by Karen, posted in books, Date night, Marriage, relationships, writing

The Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What It Really Takes to Stay MarriedThe Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What It Really Takes to Stay Married by Iris Krasnow
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I thought this book rocked. I was especially happy to find it when I did: at the end of my writing “How to Stay Married in Midlife” and launched the “Sharpen Your Knives” blog (http://sharpenyourknives.wordpress.com/), and not before or during that process. The book includes stories from women who have been married for a long time, and includes their strategies for having been able to stay married. Hint: some are sort of kinky. Iris sprinkles in anecdotes from her own marriage, about which I am not sure how I feel. It might have been okay if she had confined her marriage story to one chapter. Instead, she randomly sort of randomly puts in her two cents where maybe it isn’t needed. In some of the stories, the women retain their anonymity, in some they just let it all hang out. You get to hear from women who are in their 70’s and (yep) are still married. It’s really a quite hopeful, “You can do it!!” sort of a book. Definitely worth reading.

View all my reviews

Marital strife and strength

by Karen, posted in books, Midlife Crisis, relationships

One of the things that my husband always says after an argument is “I don’t feel connected”. It’s true; there is a disconnect that occurs not just during, but also after any, um,  heated disagreements, and it can take a while to get back to that feel-good  place of harmony in the aftermath. Sometimes it can just take a few moments to get this back; other times, well, it can take days.  😦  This is the strife.

It’s worth putting all else aside to focus on getting that connection back up and running, however. Whether your connection has been forged over two months or twenty years, it’s worth protecting from harm.

Yes, I’m telling you that I believe that it’s true: we are tethered to our mates.

And I don’t mean just legally.  I’m actually starting to think that it might be a spiritual sort of energy thread that connects us to each other (and not in ball-and-chain fashion, either; I think that phrase may have been coined status post knock-down-drag-out, if you know what I mean).

In the book Blissology: The Art & Science of Happiness the author  Andy Baggott talks about this connection in relation to happiness.

He asserts that:

“Unhappiness has no source except within ourselves and is nothing more or less than a disconnection (italics mine) from happiness–” (p. 18)…or, you and your spouse from each other, I think.

He goes on to say:

“We are eternal beings of pure positive energy, and the only reason we don’t feel that way is because we have become disconnected.”

So, it’s our work, then, to regain that connection when it has been broken, that feeling that you are in this together. Talking can help (note: sometimes talking makes it worse; if it does, then stop!). Humor can help. Taking a walk, together or apart and then regrouping, can help, as well as any physical activity…(yep, I’m talkin’ sex here).

Working together (even when you don’t like each other very much) to regain your connection can be hard, but it’s certainly doable. 🙂 This is the strength.

So, in the eternal words of The Stereo MC’s:

“Somethin’ ain’t right
Gonna get myself, I’m gonna get myself
Gonna get myself connected.”

🙂

How do you regain your connection to your significant other after an argument?

Distracted

by Karen, posted in Midlife Crisis

Almost every day, when I go to check my watch to see what time it is, I see that I’ve put it on backwards. Day after day…after day. What’s up with that? Even after I noticed that I was doing it, I’m still doing it.

Like today, for example.

I thought it might be sort of symbolic for “You don’t have enough time,” or “Slow down”. I mentioned it to my husband, and he (ever blunt) said, “It’s because you’re so distracted. You’re all over the place. Focus on one thing.” Doesn’t focusing on just one thing at a time seem like such a time waster? I used to knit while watching TV shows that I’d taped while baking bread and have a magazine open in my lap. I’d congratulate myself on how much I was accomplishing.

Then I read a magazine article (sorry, can’t remember when or how or which one…do you think it’s because of the TV watching/knitting/baking that I also had going on?) that said, “research has shown” that you actually are less productive when you carry on like that. In the long run, you end up burning out, getting sick, retaining nothing (of what you read or watched), making more mistakes that lead to you having to re-do or start over (can you say “dropped a stitch??) or whatever.

It seems counter-intuitive to me, but you get more done if you just focus on one thing at a time and do it.

Maybe I should start with putting on my watch correctly?