grief – Karen Creamer Author, Coach, Speaker

The BRAVE Interview #22 May 2018: Melanie Delorme

Welcome to this month’s BRAVE Interview with Melanie Delorme!

I am a teacher, a wife, a mother, an author who was given the role of bereaved mom in 2008 when my 8-year-old son, Garrett, was accidentally shot and killed in a hunting accident.

It would have been so easy to allow this horrific experience to define me as a grief-stricken mom for the rest of my life. I’m not sure how long it took me to realize that Garrett deserved a better legacy than that.

I also realized that healing and moving forward was my choice.

I try to choose every day to celebrate Garrett’s life and to remember that knowing him for eight years made me a better person.

I spent a lot of time writing in a journal during the first few years after Garrett’s death. I have since turned my writing into a book and published it. It is entitled, After the Flowers Die: A Handbook of Heartache, Hope and Healing After Losing a Child. I do not want any bereaved parent to ever feel alone. I have recently created a website, promoted my book at book signings, participated in my first TV interview, participated in a live grief webinar. Currently I am working on creating a journaling course for grieving parents.

When I think about the word Brave, I realize that sometimes bravery is simply getting out of bed and facing the world every day.

Sometimes bravery feels more like survival. While I don’t feel brave every day, I will continue to choose to move forward keeping my son’s memory alive through my writing and speaking.

My website: www.MelanieDelorme.com

My book on Amazon: After the Flowers Die: A Handbook of Heartache, Hope and Healing After Losing a Child

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Melanie!

Read the other BRAVE Interviews here: The BRAVE Interviews

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE INTERVIEWED FOR THIS SERIES ABOUT SOMETHING BRAVE YOU HAVE DONE IN YOUR OWN LIFE, SEND ME AN EMAIL HERE: karen@karencreamer.com

Blue Moon

January 31, 2018January 31, 2018 by Karen, posted in family, good grief, local fun, the beach

My husband and I got up early and raced outside to try to see the Blue Moon Lunar Eclipse at the ‘optimal time’ here in Maine (6:45 am)–since it only occurs once every hundred years or so, we didn’t want to miss it.

And it was up there…behind the trees.

So we jumped in the car and headed to the ocean (because, let’s face it, everything is always best viewed from the perspective of the ocean) and you know, with a big, honkin’ cup of coffee.

My iPhone camera left something to be desired, but the moon did not.

It was amazing.

Afterward, the song 100 Years was playing over and over in my mind. This is a song that I associate with my paternal grandmother, Mary. And then, just like that, I suddenly realized that she was with me.

Because of course, our loved ones who have crossed over are always with us.

Sometimes we just feel their presence more strongly than others.

The BRAVE Interview #5 December 2016: Jeanne Emerson

December 10, 2016December 31, 2016 by Karen, posted in Adult children, Angels, family, friends, Interviews, The BRAVE Interviews

Here is #5 in The BRAVE Interview series! It’s the Who, What, When, Where, How, (and sometimes Why) of YOUR ‘one brave thing’! December’s interview is with Jeanne Emerson!

Who: Hi. My name is Jeanne Emerson. I’m a grandma, gardener, artist, yogi, retired social worker and grieving mother. I’m fortunate to live in a peaceful and cozy home in southern Maine…it is my sanctuary. I am calm here, reflective, often tearful and recently, joyful…again. And, I’m about to celebrate my 65^th birthday. WOW.

What: I never really thought that I would feel brave about this but I do. My one brave thing is to allow the feeling of joy back into my life. My son Scott died three years ago. He was 35 years old, funny, handsome, loving and very artistic. His death came as a shock, no preparation…but even if I had been expecting it, it still would have been a shock. No mother could prepare for this.

When: The call came at 8:45 on a Tuesday night. (Tuesday has become my least favorite day of the week ever since).

Where: I was home, the phone rang and the police officer had the nerve to say, “I’m sorry to inform you that your son is dead.” How could he say something like that about my child?? I hated that officer at that moment. I couldn’t spare any compassion for him then, no ability to care about how awful that call must have been for him to make. Compassion could and would come later.

Why: I’ll never know. I won’t know why Scott died at such a young age, with so much more to offer, so much more to experience. (please believe me, I have driven myself to extreme exhaustion trying to understand). But here’s what I do understand…healing can happen, life does in fact go on (as much as you may not want it do)…joy can enter again.

How: This part of the interview is perhaps the easiest to explain. My joy has come back because of trust. My husband, Tim, my son Matt, family members and very precious friends believed in me. They trusted me when I was a wailing mess on the floor, they trusted me when I couldn’t get through a conversation without crying, they trusted me when I couldn’t eat, sleep or get out of my pajamas, they trusted me when I would sit and stare, unable or unwilling to talk. Somehow they trusted my process, that I just had to go through this my way (albeit dramatic and probably frightening to witness), but trust they did. AND, miraculously, bit by bit, I started to live again without my son (well, without him in the way I knew him before his death….this is another interview but I KNOW that he is still with me, guiding me, encouraging me in my artistic pursuits, laughing with me and still loving me). I feel very brave for laughing, running, playing, creating and loving. This is my most important brave thing….so far.

Jeanne, thank you so much for your brave, powerful words. ❤

Check out Jeanne’s designs at FOUND in Kennebunk (42 Main St; 207-604-5009) and on her website: emersondesigns.net

String theory

October 20, 2012 by Karen, posted in family, good grief, relationships

I recently attended a memorial service. I didn’t know the woman who died, Mary, very well, but that didn’t stop me from crying almost from the time the first words were out of the celebrant’s mouth. Like Lt. Columbo said, “…death reminds you of death” (or something close to that). Not only was I sad for Mary and her family, I was also remembering the loss of my own mother, my grandmothers, my father. Even though they died many years ago, for grief purposes, it could have been yesterday. Because I’d experienced the loss of my mother, I was feeling an overwhelming empathy for what Mary’s daughter must be feeling.

Something that struck me was this: many of the things that were being said about Mary’s interests and what was important to her were true for me as well. Loves the ocean? Check. Loves her family and friends? Check. Loves Bingo? Okay, well, as Meatloaf said, “two out of three ain’t bad”. Even though it’s common to hear how people are all different, it feels true that people are really all the same, too.

Between readings, I started to think about something one of my friends said about String Theory. I can’t recall her words exactly, but I remember that I created a visual of everyone being connected to each other through space and time by string (cooking twine, actually :)). It made me realize that even though I’d only met her a couple of times, because I was connected to people that she loved, I was also connected to her.

Doesn’t this idea give the phrase, “hanging by a thread” new meaning?