Tag: family

Book Review: Pieces that Fit

by Karen, posted in author, books, Brave books, education, family, Life's too short to read bad books, writing

Pieces That Fit: A Mother’s Journey Through Her Son’s Puzzling Diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome by Karen Pieces That Fit coverMacNeill is an important book for anyone to read that has, or wonders what it is like to have, a child with different needs in the school system. I found it to be immediately relatable. There are so many passages that could be a page out of my own life, from sitting at the IEP table (p 25. ‘…the process is exhausting…’) to putting undeserved trust in educators who ultimately proved unworthy of that trust. I also love that Chandler and his family found their way with the help of some wonderful teachers and other professionals who were committed to his growth and well-being, both at school and long-term.

This book also reveals how important it is for parents to take nothing for granted and to be strong advocates for their children. The hope is that as the child gets older and witnesses his or her parents modeling this behavior at IEP meetings and elsewhere, they will learn to advocate for themselves, which Chandler has clearly done well. Yay, Karen and Jim! Writing honestly about your real life experience is a difficult and brave thing to do. Bottom line: Read this book!

After you read this book, read my book! One Brave Thing

Give me the flowers

by Karen, posted in Angels, Grace, local fun, Metaphysical healing, my one word

This month, I felt drawn to attend one of Melissa Boyd’s programs where she channels messages from spirit, but I had no one to go with. By nature I am an introvert, and typically I am not a person who likes to go Tulipsplaces alone. Other than, you know, a coffee shop with a book.

Anyway, this month marks the 20th anniversary of the death of my mother (on leap day).  I think that’s why this month, I felt there was a good chance I might get a message from her, so I put on my big girl panties (actually, my big girl thermal panties -it was -3 degrees!) and went by myself.

Right away, I noticed the pretty pink vase with 3 tulips on the table. Three is my favorite number, and tulips are one of my favorite flowers. I thought that after the program, I might ask Melissa who did the flowers for the event so I could get me some of those flowers, and get me one of those pink vases.

Anyway, in the last ten minutes of the program I realized that I was not going to be one of the lucky ones who got a channeled message. I felt that my mother was there, though! I felt sad and disappointed that she didn’t get a chance to speak to me. I consoled myself with the knowledge that the other people present needed their messages more urgently than I did.

But you know, I wanted some validation that she really was there.

And then I heard Melissa say that she intended to raffle off the vases of flowers.

🙂

So I sent my mother a message: “Ma, if you’re here, give me the flowers”.

They called the first number.

Mine.

Thanks, Ma.

Postscript: It gets better. When I got into the car to go home, a song came on the radio. Here’s an excerpt:

“And I have need for nothing more
Oh now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes You are here with me.”

(From Mountain of God by Third Day)

 

Life’s short

by Karen, posted in family, good grief

So, this year there will be a February 29th. This is significant for me because my mother died on February 29th in 1996, 20 years ago. We sort of joked about how kind it was for her to pick a day that only comes once every four years so we wouldn’t have to be sad every year.

Ha. Ha.

the fam in billerica
The family in the early 70’s.

The irony of it is this: there is not a leap year every four years. Did you know that sometimes leap year skips (leaps? 🙂 ) its year? Yep.

Anyway, she was 55 when she died. Two years older than I am now.

She did have two years warning, but sadly, she was very sick from chemotherapy side effects for a lot of that time.

Today, I’ve been thinking. What if I only had two years left? How would the next two years be different for me if I knew they were the last two?

Of course, the lesson here is that none of us knows how much time we have. The reminder is that we can always choose to enjoy this day that we do have. Today.

What are you doing today?

 

Connection

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, friends, Holidays, Karen's Kitchen, my one word

I was just watching Valerie Bertinelli’s new cooking show on the Food Network. It turns out that Karen’s Kitchen isn’t so different from Valeries’s Kitchen. She lasagnawas making a buffet for a Christmas gathering and it consisted of lasagna, salad, and a favorite Italian cookie from childhood.

I realized as I watched that one of my own favorite Italian dinners is the same. The lasagna recipe I remember from my own family dinners of yore, salad, and a different cookie, but still a favorite Italian cookie that I grew up with (I am not surprised that both of our dessert recipes include chocolate… 🙂 ).

Of course there are some differences, the biggest of which is this: Valerie has both of her parents with her. Mine have long since departed.

At the end of the show, I was surprised to hear them talking about choosing a word for next year! Their words were much different from mine (Hello, ‘Butter’? ‘Bacon’? How did I not think of using a food as my one word? Ha!).

Lesson: we really are all connected, aren’t we? We can be connected to people that we have never met by our food and our (Italian) heritage, as in this case, but there are many other ways that we can find connection in our everyday lives.

 

 

Message from Mom

by Karen, posted in Angels, family, good grief, He and me

mom for blogSo I had a visit last night from my mother. She died in 1996.

She visited me in a dream. She was wearing a long white dress that was cinched in at the waist with a sash that I think was also white. I should note that she never dressed like that in real life.  Anyway, it was a slimmer, younger, healthy version of her (she was quite ill when she died) and she came to tell me something. When my mother comes through to me in my dreams, she never actually speaks out loud; she communicates with me through thoughts. Anyway, she came to give me a message and in the dream, I had the thought that this must be very important information for me to know, since she made the trip to tell me this, and that I better remember it.

Later on when I woke for the day, I remembered the dream very clearly. I remember my thoughts about the message too. What I DON’T remember is this: WHAT THE MESSAGE WAS!

I tried over and over to get it back, but it’s gone.
I told my husband this, and as I was telling him, the tears started.

He: Why are you crying?
Me: I don’t know! Because I can’t remember what the message was!

He: Don’t worry. You got the message. Just because you can’t remember it consciously doesn’t mean you didn’t get. It’s in your subconscious. You have it.

I immediately felt the truth of what he was saying. Every so often, my husband says exactly the right words to me at exactly the right time.

And then he sort of shuddered.

Me: What was that?
He: I got a chill.

So now I get it. That was my mother there in the car with us.

🙂

To boldly go, part two

by Karen, posted in Disney, teens, Travel

bon voyageSo a funny thing happened after I decided to go to Disney with  my daughter. You know how they say that the universe starts lining up to help you when you are on the right track? Well, it’s TRUE! I saw it happen with my own eyes!
First I thought, no way can I make this happen. Then my husband Bill said, “Of course, you can do it! You’ll figure it out.”

I was nervous about arranging getting there and back. Like, which airline? How do you book a flight? How much is reasonable to pay? Which airport? Then my son Anthony and his girlfriend Hannah, my friends at work (you know who you are!! Thank you!!!), gave me information that helped make this whole process easy.
I was overwhelmed with the thought of figuring out where to stay. My brother Patrick and his wife Andrea came through for me big time with this too, offering to let us stay at their amazing time share.

How would we get to the airport in time for our flight? We would have to get there by, oh, 6am or so and the airport is an hour and a half away. Also, I am directionally challenged. I can’t read a map. What if I got lost and we missed our flight? Then I my friend Ann said, “Hey, I want to help you and your daughter with your trip to Disney.” It turns out that she can see the airport from where she lives. She offered to let us come down the night before, eat dinner and stay over at her house, and then she would drive us to and from the airport on our departure and return days.

My friends Cindy and Laura offered to help in as well with anything else we might need. I am sorry if I have not named everyone who came forward. I appreciate you all!

My coworkers surprised me with a card with money to have a meal on them. Thank you Lynn, Christine, Charlotte, Lori, Laurie, Catherine, Pauline, Annette, Therese, Patti, Barbara, Carol, Sue, and Sheila. 🙂

Almost forgot: Shawna, thank you for the maps! And your advice!  🙂

I have no words.

Mental health break

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, family, italian, Marriage, NaNoWriMo, restaurants, writing

IMG_0012I took a two-day break from Nano writing and went away overnight to celebrate my husband’s birthday (and, you know, to take a break from sitting! At the computer! Writing! OMG! I haven’t been able to feel two of the fingers on my left hand for a week!).  We had supper at Nolita,  a new-ish Italian restaurant in York that we like.

I felt a little bad that he hadn’t had a cake on his birthday and gotten to hear the sweet strains of the “Happy Birthday to You” song wafting toward his ears on his day, but so be it. We wanted to have the cake with the entire family, and that couldn’t happen until the following day.

When we arrived at the restaurant, my husband had to run back to the car to get his reading glasses (he is so not into my rendition of “This is what’s on the menu” that he’d rather run back out into the 27 degree cold dark night that to listen to it).

That’s when the waitress came over and I mentioned it was my husband’s birthday. She said, “Does he like tiramisu?  We give a free tiramisu for someone’s birthday.”

Now, Bill does not like tiramisu, but oh my God! I love it!  But, it was his birthday after all, so I asked if there were other dessert options and she said they have gelato. As (my) luck would have it, I’m pretty sure the only thing he dislikes more than tiramisu is gelato.

“Yes, he does like tiramisu! Bring that!” I said, conscience clear.

What I hadn’t realized (and in fairness to me, I was halfway through my Italia Margarita at the time) was that said tiramisu would be accompanied by, um, fanfare. And I’m pretty sure that if there is one thing Bill dislikes more than gelato and tiramisu, it’s fanfare. In our 26 or more (we can’t agree on this) years together, he has never, ever seen a cake coming toward him with a gaggle of servers singing the birthday song to him.

And yet, I lived to tell the tale, so it’s all good.

Also, that tiramisu rocked!

 

 

 

Long time no see

by Karen, posted in Angels, family, good grief, Midlife Crisis, no fear

dad (1)I went to see Melissa at Deep Blue Truth in Kennebunk today. I go every year (at least once) near my birthday as a present to myself. I always get messages from one or more of my friends and relatives that have died, and today was no exception.
When they come through, they always talk about something that is personal to me and to them. Something that helps me know that it is really them. Something that no one else would know. They give some kind of a sign.

Today, someone named John came through. Okay, so John is my dad, so that’s a no brainer. Melissa told me that he kept telling her to say ‘matches’, to talk about striking matches.

!

Last night, I was talking to my husband, telling him I needed to get some more matches to light candles, that I was down to my last 2 books.  I joked that I was just coming to the end of my dad’s stockpile of boxes of matchbooks that we found in his house after he died…in 1998.

Pass the kleenex.

Second act

by Karen, posted in family, friends, Marriage, Midlife Crisis, no fear, relationships, Turning 50

I was watching the second episode of the new season of The Middle on TV. In it, Frankie has just unexpectedly lost her job and decides that instead of just running out to get another (crappy) job, she is going to treat this event as an opportunity,  a ‘second act’ in her life.

She decides to go back to school and learn to do something else. Something better.

Since turning 50 a few months ago, I’ve been thinking that my own second act may have started (or maybe even the third…but I digress).

I am hopeful this time around will be a bit easier. After all, this time around I have the benefit of wisdom to help me to successfully navigate what’s ahead, not to mention the love and support of my family and friends. Well, okay, I did have the that first time around too.

Thank God.

Also, this time around I live near enough to the ocean to visit it every day. As everyone knows, the ocean is the cure for what ails you.

Important lessons learned:  My husband rocks. My son rocks. My daughter rocks.  They all have my back every single day and really, what else matters?

After the fall

by Karen, posted in family, friends, Karen's Kitchen, Midlife Crisis, the beach

I had a disaster in my kitchen today. I was lifting down some big Pyrex mixing bowls from a shelf, something I’ve done dozens and dozens of times. Something I do almost every day. I was lifting them down to put one back in the stack. As I brought the stack down to the counter, suddenly I heard a crash. I think I heard it before I realized what happened. One moment I was lowering the bowls to the counter, then next moment I had no bowls in my hands and there were millions of pieces of glass covering every inch of my kitchen counter, floor, and my feet.

I was shaking, so I just stood there for a minute while I took stock and tried to breathe. I know that cuts don’t hurt at first, so I was looking for blood to see how bad the damage was. Unbelievably, all of the cuts, and they were few, were superficial.

The damage to the Pyrex was worse: My 2 favorites bowls were broken: the large yellow and the large Amish.

I told my daughter and her friend to stay in her room. I realized my son was home so I called him. “I need help.” He said, “Give me a minute,” then came up, looked around, asked me if I was okay, then got to work. I would like to say that he helped me clean it up, but really, he cleaned it all up while I picked up shards of glass then put them back down again, still too shaken up to do much at all.

I thought of all that while I was walking on the beach later on this morning. I looked at the ocean and thought: The ocean makes everything better.

I was wrong though. After a few moments, I realized this: Family and friends make everything better.  I lost nothing. I have everything.