I just finished this book and I really enjoyed it. Lisa Scottoline,whom I’d never heard of, spoke right to me and many of my issues. Even though she’s twice divorced (nope, not me), she lives with 5 dogs (nope, I live with 3 humans…and chickens!) has 1 child (I have 2), has seen 50 come and go, (nope, I’m currently Staring Down 50), I could see myself in so many of her stories. This book is comprised of just that: many stories from her life. One of my favorites is the one about being a cookbook collector. I, myself, am a Closet Cookbook Collector-well, maybe not so closeted. I love to read them, buy them, share them, compare them. What I rarely do, however, is COOK from them. I have my favorite go-to recipes to which I gravitate toward by default. You know, the ones that I can make without having to think too much? Those. She does the same thing!! I felt so much better after that!! The only reason that I didn’t give this book 5 stars is because I didn’t feel the same way about the chapters that were written by her daughter, Francesca. They weren’t bad; they just weren’t me.
Category: relationships
Get out of your rut
In the interest of getting out of my rut, my husband and I went away…to the other side of town.
One of the perks was that the facility had a pool. No big whoop for me, because I don’t much like chlorinated pools. My husband does though, so even though it was late (9:30pm is late when you are usually in bed by then), and even though it was freezing out, and even though it was snowing out, and even though we had to walk outside (the equivalent of about 3 blocks, maybe, but still) to get to said pool, and even though I had to put on a bathing suit in February…I went with him.
I took swimming lessons when I was 12, but it never clicked for me. I was always awkward in the water, so do not consider myself a swimmer.
My husband is a great swimmer.
I had planned to sit on the side of the pool and watch him, but he convinced me to swim a little…and guess what?
I swam the length of the pool 3 times! I enjoyed it! I wanted to stay longer! I didn’t even mind the walk back to the room!
Go figure. Maybe there are things that you can do but haven’t you haven’t tried because you keep telling yourself that you can’t.
What if you can?
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Staring down fifty
I’m going to be 50 this year and have been thinking about what I want to do about it. It seems like a great opportunity for it not to be “just another birthday”. I have had a lot of ideas about how to mark the milestone as well as how to celebrate the day. I started my scrapbook for “My Fiftieth Year” and it’s halfway ready to go. I’ll finish setting it up by or on May 19 (at a scrapbooking event with my friend Susan).
I’m worried though, because as I told my friends (Susan, Deb, Elisabeth) and my daughter yesterday: I’m afraid that I have so many ideas that I won’t commit to one and will end up doing nothing. My friend’s husband celebrated his turning 50 by subscribing to “AARP”. Hmmm…I’ll think about that later.
My friend Deb is also turning 50 this year, and I envy her focus. She wants to take a trip, and even knows where she wants to go. This reminded me that I want to take a trip too! I want to go to Italy, to or near Avellino! But I think I want to be in my home state for my actual birthday. Plus, my husband wants to go someplace else if we take a trip (like Bermuda).
I want to have an Italian birthday cake from La Cascia’s in Burlington, MA, but no one in my immediate family likes this kind of cake. The idea of 50 mini cupcakes (from Somethin’ Sweet in Sanford) surrounding one normal size cupcake (or 6 inch cheesecake?) with an inscription of some sort would be really cool. That way, there would be something for everyone (read: no complaints that “I don’t like chocolate!” or “I don’t like vanilla!”…minis can be ordered in many flavors). This is my Plan B.
Sigh. I’m going in circles. I saw somewhere that some people make a “Bucket List” of things to do in their 50th year. That might work.
How do people celebrate turning 50?
Anyone? Anyone?
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Decluttering
In the March 2012 issue of her magazine, Oprah says, “Identifying the cause of your clutter is the first step to getting it under control,” p.31.
Ya think?
Just in case that’s true…I thought about it in relation to my pantry, because food clutter is one of the areas with which I struggle (read: argue about with my husband). I look in my overflowing pantry and see safety, security, love. My husband looks in and sees clutter, chaos, disarray.
It’s a problem.
He is to the point now where he won’t even look in there to see if we have the can of tomato sauce, box of spaghetti, or whatever he needs to make supper that night. He would rather go to the store and buy what he needs, thereby completely avoiding the pantry and hopefully (but not usually) a fight.
Well, Oprah, let’s see if you and Peter Walsh can help us out. I’ll read the article and see if I can be helped. Peter’s idea in a nutshell is to pare down your belongings to basically nothing so they don’t have to be stored, dusted, arranged, etc.
Don’t think so.
My idea is this: get a bigger pantry. Just sayin’.
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Have it your way
I was recently reminded that going to the gym on an empty stomach is (for me) never a good idea. In a subconscious effort to undo any potential good my time at the gym may have afforded me, I headed over to Burger King for the special.
Two Breakfast Sandwiches for $3
This is a special that their rival (McD’s) runs often as well. Here’s the difference: When I went to McD’s with my husband and tried to get one of the breakfast sandwiches without cheese, they said (wait for it….), “No.”. They explained to me how they would have to charge me full price for both sandwiches if I asked them to leave the cheese off one of them.
Really? Really?
Fast forward to today at Burger King. I ordered my 2 sandwiches, asking for the cheese to be left off one of them, and guess what? That’s what they did! And they didn’t charge me extra! And they never batted an eye!
BK: 1, McD’s: 0
*NOTE: I complained on the McD’s website after that and I got a very nice free meal (and a grudging apology, but I let that slide) of 2 breakfast sandwiches for $3.00, one of which was without cheese, to make up for it.
🙂
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Another book to read
The Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What It Really Takes to Stay Married by Iris Krasnow
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
I thought this book rocked. I was especially happy to find it when I did: at the end of my writing “How to Stay Married in Midlife” and launched the “Sharpen Your Knives” blog (http://sharpenyourknives.wordpress.com/), and not before or during that process. The book includes stories from women who have been married for a long time, and includes their strategies for having been able to stay married. Hint: some are sort of kinky. Iris sprinkles in anecdotes from her own marriage, about which I am not sure how I feel. It might have been okay if she had confined her marriage story to one chapter. Instead, she randomly sort of randomly puts in her two cents where maybe it isn’t needed. In some of the stories, the women retain their anonymity, in some they just let it all hang out. You get to hear from women who are in their 70’s and (yep) are still married. It’s really a quite hopeful, “You can do it!!” sort of a book. Definitely worth reading.
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Homemade eggrolls with friends
Last spring (we finally agreed that it was in the spring; I thought it was in the summer) my husband and I got together with another couple of friends to make authentic homemade egg rolls. Our friends make them every 3 or 4 months at home, but were gracious enough to drive an hour and a half (in each direction) to come to our house and remind us how to make them too.
They arrived with some supplies in tow. This time we were better prepared with a borrowed Fry Daddy; last time we shared theirs. They also brought their Tupperware mixing bowl that is the size of a kiddie pool. It was almost big enough. I kicked myself one more time for selling my identical bowl at a yard sale years ago. Other nice to have equipment was the food processor that we bought last year for this occasion.
We took a field trip together to Hannaford’s for the produce: carrots, cabbage, onions (they were out of scallions) and the cellophane (I think) noodles. They brought the wrappers with them. Let me tell you that shredding all those vegetables, not to mention frying the egg rolls, makes one hell of a mess. Our friends cleaned up everything, including all the oil spatter from tandem frying in the Fry Daddy’s. It wasn’t pretty.
We made three varieties: chicken, shrimp, and an experiment: pork. My husband wondered what would happen if he mixed Ah-So Sauce with ground pork and stuffed them into the egg rolls. They turned out great! Next time we’ll drain them of some of the extra fluid prior to cooking because they turned out a little darker than the other egg rolls, but that did not affect the taste. 🙂
Here’s a slideshow of the fun:
We can’t wait till spring so we can make them again! 🙂
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Christmas Music and other minutiae
Since I’m feeling all Christmas-y at the moment, and since (more importantly) I have a huge leg up on my Christmas shopping (and wrapping) this year, I decided to write a little more about Christmas. Here are some random thoughts:
- When I was wrapping up the gifts I’d bought so far this year, I had the presence of mind (for once) to get out the Christmas CD’s and play a little mood music. My favorite is the one that my son made for my husband for his birthday last year, “Alternative Christmas Songs“. Best. Christmas. CD. EVER. Consider breaking out your own Christmas music this year…you know, before Christmas is over.
- Nothing beats a cup of mulled cider while you’re wrapping, unless it’s a cup of hot chocolate with tons of whipped cream crammed into the cup. If it’s evening and you’re done driving for the day, consider putting a shot of Amaretto in your hot chocolate…yay!
- What to buy? For me, this year is (essentially) a Gift Card Christmas. Yep; I gave the issue of gifting enormous thought and then decided that most people want either a) money or b) the equivalent thereof. How do I know this? Scientific research. Everyone that I asked said they wanted either money or a gift card to (fill in the blank). Be honest. That’s what you really want too, right?
- FOR YOUR KIDS: Apart from the gift card strategy, which I am applying to (almost) all of the people for whom I am shopping, I have a sort of a formula that I use for buying for my two kids. After all: gift cards under the tree, even if it’s several hundred dollars worth (note to husband: It’s not! It’s not!) doesn’t look very impressive or generate much excitement on Christmas morn. Here’s my basic formula for the kids: a book, a new set of pajama’s, a new outfit, a game (for Wii, Nintendo 3DS, or whatever they have).
- I like to have one joint gift for the kids to open on Christmas Eve, sort of a family gift, like tickets to an event, or a game that everyone (hopefully) will like. 🙂
Also this year: I am trying to just use what I have already for gift bags and wrapping paper. I have a roll of pink Santa paper that I bought to wrap my daughter’s presents and blue Santa paper to (you guessed it!) wrap my son’s years ago. Using this eliminates the need for name tags.
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Marital strife and strength
One of the things that my husband always says after an argument is “I don’t feel connected”. It’s true; there is a disconnect that occurs not just during, but also after any, um, heated disagreements, and it can take a while to get back to that feel-good place of harmony in the aftermath. Sometimes it can just take a few moments to get this back; other times, well, it can take days. 😦 This is the strife.
It’s worth putting all else aside to focus on getting that connection back up and running, however. Whether your connection has been forged over two months or twenty years, it’s worth protecting from harm.
Yes, I’m telling you that I believe that it’s true: we are tethered to our mates.
And I don’t mean just legally. I’m actually starting to think that it might be a spiritual sort of energy thread that connects us to each other (and not in ball-and-chain fashion, either; I think that phrase may have been coined status post knock-down-drag-out, if you know what I mean).
In the book Blissology: The Art & Science of Happiness the author Andy Baggott talks about this connection in relation to happiness.
He asserts that:
“Unhappiness has no source except within ourselves and is nothing more or less than a disconnection (italics mine) from happiness–” (p. 18)…or, you and your spouse from each other, I think.
He goes on to say:
“We are eternal beings of pure positive energy, and the only reason we don’t feel that way is because we have become disconnected.”
So, it’s our work, then, to regain that connection when it has been broken, that feeling that you are in this together. Talking can help (note: sometimes talking makes it worse; if it does, then stop!). Humor can help. Taking a walk, together or apart and then regrouping, can help, as well as any physical activity…(yep, I’m talkin’ sex here).
Working together (even when you don’t like each other very much) to regain your connection can be hard, but it’s certainly doable. 🙂 This is the strength.
So, in the eternal words of The Stereo MC’s:
“Somethin’ ain’t right
Gonna get myself, I’m gonna get myself
Gonna get myself connected.”
🙂
How do you regain your connection to your significant other after an argument?
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What’s in the attic?
There I was, sound asleep, minding my own business, when what do I hear? I had no clue. A loud noise awakened me, but I had no idea at first from whence it came. I lay there, listening hard, wondering why oh why does this always happen when my husband is away?
Suddenly, I hear it: scratch, scratch, scratch directly over my head. As in: above the ceiling. In the attic? OMG. OMG. (Did I say OMG?). All I could think of was that it was mice. Ew.
The next night my husband was there. He heard it too. Time to get serious. When things get tough, the tough get going…to the hardware store… for, um, supplies. Surprise! They aren’t cheap (but I bet you knew that already…). We took them home. My husband went up into the (God bless him) attic (read: crawl space) and scattered said supplies about. We waited, breath bated…okay, mine, not his.
The next night was pretty quiet, actually. Could our efforts have paid off so fast? I was nearly giddy with relief…until the next night.
The next night, it sounded like the intruders were having a wild bowling match. Over. My. Head.
Well, they carried on, having a grand ol’ time, waking me up periodically throughout the night. Finally, around 7:30am my husband and I were discussing the situation and wondering what to do next when out of the corner of my eye I saw (through the window) something drop from the roof and thump! hit the ground running…a squirrel!
So, now we’re waiting, traps baited.
To be continued…
Karen Creamer Author, Coach, Speaker 
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