Marital strife and strength

One of the things that my husband always says after an argument is “I don’t feel connected”. It’s true; there is a disconnect that occurs not just during, but also after any, um,  heated disagreements, and it can take a while to get back to that feel-good  place of harmony in the aftermath. Sometimes it can just take a few moments to get this back; other times, well, it can take days.  😦  This is the strife.

It’s worth putting all else aside to focus on getting that connection back up and running, however. Whether your connection has been forged over two months or twenty years, it’s worth protecting from harm.

Yes, I’m telling you that I believe that it’s true: we are tethered to our mates.

And I don’t mean just legally.  I’m actually starting to think that it might be a spiritual sort of energy thread that connects us to each other (and not in ball-and-chain fashion, either; I think that phrase may have been coined status post knock-down-drag-out, if you know what I mean).

In the book Blissology: The Art & Science of Happiness the author  Andy Baggott talks about this connection in relation to happiness.

He asserts that:

“Unhappiness has no source except within ourselves and is nothing more or less than a disconnection (italics mine) from happiness–” (p. 18)…or, you and your spouse from each other, I think.

He goes on to say:

“We are eternal beings of pure positive energy, and the only reason we don’t feel that way is because we have become disconnected.”

So, it’s our work, then, to regain that connection when it has been broken, that feeling that you are in this together. Talking can help (note: sometimes talking makes it worse; if it does, then stop!). Humor can help. Taking a walk, together or apart and then regrouping, can help, as well as any physical activity…(yep, I’m talkin’ sex here).

Working together (even when you don’t like each other very much) to regain your connection can be hard, but it’s certainly doable. 🙂 This is the strength.

So, in the eternal words of The Stereo MC’s:

“Somethin’ ain’t right
Gonna get myself, I’m gonna get myself
Gonna get myself connected.”


How do you regain your connection to your significant other after an argument?


2 thoughts on “Marital strife and strength

  1. How do I regain my connection to my hubby after an argument?…..Wait for his apology 😀

    Seriously, this is a good post. I think men have a way of ‘disconnecting’ and ‘tuning out’ the moment a female begin to moan.

    1. Donna, what you just said is so interesting, because my husband just told me the other day that he essentially stops listening about three words into whatever I’m saying (a disturbing pattern that I’m beginning to notice in my 20 year old son as well), so if I haven’t made my point by then, forget it. Really? Really? That explains so much

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