Category: no fear

The big lie

by Karen, posted in family, friends, Midlife Crisis, no fear, Turning 50

“Effective multitasking is a myth. Would you want a tooth filled by a dentist who was talking on a cell phone? “~ Downeast Magazine, April 2012, p. 25, “Time for a Driver Cellphone Ban”.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this quote since I read it. And when I dropped (and broke) several of the vintage Pyrex bowls I had for years. And whenI burned my finger taking a cookie sheet out of the oven with one oven mitt on instead of 2. And when I pulled the vacuum over while vacuuming  lamp shade, resulting in a 6 inch bruise on my leg.

Of course, any midlife woman has heard the “Having it all” myth too, right? Is there a bigger lie out there? Well, apart from the multitasking one?

My husband keeps telling me that I have too much on my plate. Much of what is taking up so much of my time right now is beyond my control, but I am the one who has to deal with it.  Many of you are almost certainly dealing with some administrative thing(s) that you wish you didn’t have to deal with (like completing tax returns?). Add to that eating and sleeping and keeping yourself cleaned up, all of which consumes even more portions of your day. If you are lucky enough to have a job, that might take up the majority of our waking hours most days. Add taking care of children to that list…and your day is now about 24 hours in the red, right?

I was talking to my friend Susan about how to fit everything we want to do into any given day when our brainstorming led to a breakthrough: Maybe we should be asking a different question. Not, “How do we fit everything in?”  but “How do we choose what to leave out?”

 What do you think?

Pen pals

by Karen, posted in friends, Midlife Crisis, no fear, Turning 50, writing

I have a new pen pal! It happened like this: I got an email from a reader of one of my myriad online writings. She took a leap of faith and asked if I wanted to correspond, either via email, traditional mail, or both. She shared information about her life, her family, her country.

She is from Germany by way of Italy, and it is through my love of All Things Italian that we came in contact with each other. I was hesitant at first to say too much; after all, you don’t get to be a midlife woman in New England without hearing all sorts of stories of scammers presenting themselves as Something Other Than Who They Are.

But then a funny thing happened: I decided to take a leap of faith too. As part of my year of turning 50, I had previously decided that,when presented with an idea that appeals to me, to just go with it. No whim will be turned away. So I answered her email.

I have had other writing relationships over the years.  When I was in middle school, there was a pen pal in Korea (not sure how I became “pals” with her; probably a school project). When my friend Sheila moved many states away from me (sob!) about 22 years ago, we started writing to ease the pain. We continued, too; even though I stubbornly resisted, we eventually switched to email from legal pads and are still writing to each other nearly every day, all these years later.

Come to think of it, I have many “email pals” among my friends now. We ‘talk’ through texting, emailing, and IM’ing. Since all of us are so busy, it allows me to include my friends in my daily life, friends whom I might otherwise go long stretches of time without seeing.

Hel-lo? In the 22 years since Sheila left, we’ve seen each other in person twice, I think (forgive me if that’s wrong, Sheila, but you know how the midlife memory works–it doesn’t!).

How do you maintain friendships?

Get out of your rut

by Karen, posted in Date night, fitness, local fun, Marriage, Midlife Crisis, no fear, relationships, Turning 50

In the interest of getting out of my rut, my husband and I went away…to the other side of town.

One of the perks was that the facility had a pool. No big whoop for me, because I don’t much like chlorinated pools. My husband does though, so even though it was late (9:30pm is late when you are usually in bed by then), and even though it was freezing out, and even though it was snowing out, and even though we had to walk outside (the equivalent of about 3 blocks, maybe, but still) to get to said pool, and even though I had to put on a bathing suit in February…I went with him.

I took swimming lessons when I was 12, but it never clicked for me. I was always awkward in the water, so do not consider myself a swimmer.

My husband is a great swimmer.

I had planned to sit on the side of the pool and watch him, but he convinced me to swim a little…and guess what?  

I swam the length of the pool 3 times! I enjoyed it! I wanted to stay longer! I didn’t even mind the walk back to the room!

Go figure. Maybe there are things that you can do but haven’t you haven’t tried because you keep telling yourself that you can’t.

What if you can?

First pair of glasses, part 1

by Karen, posted in family, health, no fear, tweens
My first pair of glasses

I got my first pair of (many, many) glasses when I was twelve years old.  I was playing tag in my grandmother’s yard (with a friend-who-was-a-boy) and so of course not only was I running around like a nut, I was also distracted.  So first I was chasing Scotty, trying to tag him, and the next thing I knew I was on my butt in the grass, holding my mouth, bleeding.

I said, “Oh, crap!”

Scotty said, “Oh, bye!”

He left quickly.

What the hell happened? I had somehow managed to smash my mouth into the front of my father’s car, which was parked on the grass where we were playing. To my horror, as I went into the house to tell my mother what happened, I realized that I had shards of…what, tooth? Tooth! Shards of tooth were in my mouth! Not only had I gotten a fat lip from my “car crash”, but I’d also broken my front tooth.

My parents were more annoyed than sympathetic (this was gonna cost them). We didn’t have dental insurance so the fix was minimal (“I’ll just file it down so the sharp point from the tooth doesn’t puncture her tongue,” the dentist offered cheerfully). Worse than this was that the cause of the crash. I hadn’t crashed into the car because I was clumsy (well, not just because of that), as was first thought, but because I couldn’t see how close I was to it. 

I was nearsighted.

The state provided my glasses. I had no choice about which frame I got since there was only one option: the lovely cat’s eyes that you see pictured above. Although my dad tried to be upbeat about it, there was really not one bit of excitement involved.

So,  I’d lost half a tooth, but hey, I gained a pair of glasses soon thereafter.

Yay.

Pajama Day!

by Karen, posted in books, health, Midlife Crisis, movies, my one word, no fear

I recently read a magazine article about Valerie Bertinelli  ( Woman’s Day, I think; she was on the cover, if that helps) in which she describes a day that she spent in bed. Her husband was away travelling (I think), and of course she’s had an empty nest now for years, so there weren’t too many arrangements for her to make in advance. She gets a stack of magazines, books she has been wanting to read, movies she’s been wanting to see…then takes to her bed, staying in her jammies (duh) and even brings any meals right there to the bed for consumption.
I immediately started wondering how the heck to arrange a Pajama Day for me.

I found a day in March that looks promising.

“Now,  if there were only closer opportunity for a mental health–I mean, pajama–day!” Then a funny thing happened…I got sick.

My stack of magazines is already assembled. My stack of books is already next to the bed (and the couch, and my desk) and currently I have not one, but two books that I am actively reading and loving. My movie list is already compiled on Netflix (not to mention my DVR queue that at this point is looking longer than my life). In fact, a movie that I have been dying to see for weeks had just (finally! finally!) arrived from Netflix and was there waiting for me.

I never get sick. Here was my perfect opportunity to take a pajama day, handed to me on a silver platter, and what did I do?

I went to work.

Stupid.

It’s hard to not be afraid to just focus on oneself.

Oh, I did use the fact that I was sick as a ‘get out of (going to the) gym free’ card. Just sayin’…

Cardinal rule

by Karen, posted in books, no fear, writing

I have a cardinal rule with books that stretches all the way back to my college years and here it is:

I never write in a book.

It feels like defacement to me to write in or on a book. I went through four years of college and two years of nursing school (not to mention countless hours of continuing education courses over the years) and never once highlighted so much as a word, penciled in so much as a line, in a textbook (or any other book, for that matter),

Perhaps you can imagine the emotional distress I’m feeling every day as I write in my book, my own book. The book that I wrote.

I’ve concluded that the best way to proceed (if I’m ever going to finish it) is to make the corrections directly on the pages of the proof copy.

It is the most reckless act in which I have engaged in years.

Okay, so that’s not really true, but you get the idea. ..I’m living on the edge here, people!

🙂

Wicked good? Not!

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, family, health, local fun, no fear, restaurants, Someone's gotta say it, tweens
Ew. Just...ew.

I recently visited a popular restaurant in Wells, one that I go to frequently. Usually I go with my husband but this time I was with  my daughter. We went there on Saturday. My twelve-year-old picked the restaurant and was excited to be going out for lunch with her mom.

My preference is always to sit in a booth, but they were all filled, so we agreed to take one of three small, two-seater tables in the center aisle. Before we ordered a booth opened up to our right, and we asked our server if we could move there. “Sure, if it’s not spoken for already,” she said. “I’ll go check.” We watched her talk to a woman in a Wicked Good! sweatshirt who was making the judgment calls at the door in terms of who sat where.

After a few moments, our waitress returned, apologetic. “A larger party is waiting to sit there,” she said. Really? There was no one at the door.  This is an establishment that does not take reservations. I say again, “Really?”

Okay, so we stay put. We order. The table sits vacant. Two more parties of two (women) come in, ask for the booth, and are given the same story by the girl at the door in the Wicked Good! sweatshirt. They take small tables like my daughter and I did.

But then….a party of two (wait for it….) men come in. At first, the Wicked Good! girl gives them the same story that the rest of us (women) got…but then she says, “Well, all right,” to them, and proceeds to sit this party of two (men) in the booth that my daughter and I couldn’t have (not to mention the other 4 women that asked for it).

Did I mention that it was two men who got the booth? I guess the Wicked Good! girl can’t do math. Hello? A party of two is not larger than a party of two.

To add insult to injury, when my fried seafood came, it was on a dirty plate.

Finishing my (first) book

by Karen, posted in books, education, my one word, no fear, writing

My One Word (aka New Year’s Resolution) for 2011 was to finish my book.

Instead, I wrote a second one.

What’s that about? Well, what I told myself at the time was that I was following a strategy that Stephen King advocated in On Writing, where you put your “finished” manuscript into a drawer and basically ignore it for a few months.

My gut tells me that it was really about procrastination.

So there I was, in December of 2011, and I had only reached Chapter 2 (of 50+) chapters in my book since I’ve been editing the typos and such out of it. My husband, once again, took pity on me. He suggested that I get a room with a view to work on my edits, freer from housework, mail, mommy (and wife!) roles, and other distractions, since this had been so effective (I’m ashamed to admit this) almost one year ago, when I was getting the printed out copy ready to become a proof copy.

And so I did. I got about one-third of the way through the proof that day. I set a goal to reach page 100, which I accomplished. I estimate the book is a little over 300 pages at this point (since I neglected to add them in the proof copy, I don’t know for sure!) so that’s not a bad day’s work.

The good news is that the manuscript for the second book is much less of a mess than was/is the first. I figured out that I needed to put in the chapter breaks and blank pages as I go, because they do not magically appear at the end when you finish, as I had previously thought. I also know how to paginate the darn thing, which I didn’t know for manuscript #1.

Maybe it was really all part of the writing process?

Here’s hopin’.

Thoughts on writing

by Karen, posted in books, family, friends, my one word, no fear, Work from Home, writing
My first book written during NaNoWriMo 2010

Okay, I was going to entitle this post “On Writing” but didn’t want to piss Stephen King off. This is my second year participating in the NaNoWriMo challenge. For those of you that wonder what that alphabet soup of letters stands for, it’s National Novel Writing Month and it takes place annually in November. Basically, we commit to writing a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.

Seriously.

Why did I participate this year when the book I wrote last year is still languishing on the shelf, so to speak? When I asked not only my husband but my Angels (at the Clay Hill Farm Angel Reading in October) if I should do it and they said, in a word, “No”?

I don’t know. But here’s something that I do know: as I sat here on November 27, and I typed my 50,000th word….it felt freakin’ fantastic!!!

So now I’m going to borrow one of  Oprah’s favorite sayings: “What I know for sure” on the evening that I finished my second NaNoWriMo and my second book (draft):

  1. Writing flourishes when you have deadlines.
  2. Writing is prolific when you stop editing yourself and just write.
  3. Writing gets done when you commit to doing it publicly (to me, NaNoWriMo is sort of the writer’s equivalent of Weight Watchers).
  4. Writing begets writing. The more I write, the more I write.

I also wonder if the fact that thousands of other writers are taking part in their own personal NaNoWriMo Vision Quest somehow results in a metaphysical momentum (you know, being part of something larger than yourself?)  that carries us all forward to reach the finish line.

Locks of Love

by Karen, posted in family, friends, Midlife Crisis, no fear

Every three years or so I donate my hair to Locks of Love , and my daughter Isabelle has donated once as well. This entails the relinquishing of at least 10 inches of hair, more if the ends are kind of thin, which they usually are by the time hair gets to that length.

This time around the total cut off was 13 inches.

I had already committed to doing it, but for a split second I almost back pedaled. Then I remembered the past several months of prepping my family (not to mention myself) that had preceded this day, and sucked it up.

The hair was measured, braided, banded, and…extracted. The most difficult part, I think, is how light-headed I feel right after it’s cut. This feeling usually dissipates fairly quickly, as long as I’m careful not to turn my head too quickly…kidding!

The next most difficult part is that at the current length, my hair is too short to pull it back into a ponytail or a braid, and my daughter is torturing me to take out the clip that I have perched on the top of my head to keep my hair out of my face while I’m cooking, reading, or whatever.

“It looks stupid!” she proclaimed, grabbing for the clip as we were leaving to make a library run.

Oh. I thought it looked cute. “Leave it alone!” I snapped back. “Let’s go! I want to get there before they close.”

I left it in. Until I got to the car. Then I took it out. What if she was right and I was wrong?  I wasn’t willing to risk it.