Still becoming

January 5, 2014 by Karen, posted in Adult children, Angels, family, good grief, Midlife Crisis, movies, no fear, relationships

When my mother was 51, she was busy getting ready to die, but she didn’t know this yet. Well, maybe she did know it on some level, but she never talked about it with me pre-diagnosis so I really can’t be sure. Certainly none of us, her children, her husband, knew it yet.

I’m 51. At 51, I feel like I am still becoming who I am. At 51, her life was drawing to a close.

Seeing The Secret Life of Walter Mitty has me thinking about things like this today. Walter Mitty is about many things. It’s about living your life, but also it’s about how you live it. You can spend it offsides, thinking about what you wish you were doing or imagining all that you’d like to (someday) do. Or, you can, at any time, decide to actually do the thing(s) that you thought you could not ever do.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

― Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn by Living: Eleven Keys for a More Fulfilling Life

In the movie, it was a fine line. Walter Mitty crossed it. I don’t think that my mother ever crossed it. I am wondering if I have crossed it.

Interwoven throughout Mitty are images of his past that are meaningful to him. They are there to let him know that a) he is on the right track and that b) both of his parents, his dad who had died when he was 17, and his mother who was still alive and baking clementine cakes for him, were there supporting him every step of the way.

For me, the real message of this movie is this: No matter what, we are always our parents’ child.

NaNoWriMo, here I come!

November 1, 2013 by Karen, posted in NaNoWriMo, no fear, writing

So I think it’s true that the more you write, the more you write. Why?

Because it’s almost 11PM and I’ve been up since 5AM and I am sitting here writing this.
Because it’s Day 1 of National Novel Writing Month and I have been sitting here on this hard, hard chair writing for the past three hours to reach my 2000 word per day goal (which I did meet! I did! Yay me!) and still I am sitting here writing this.
Because even after I did meet my goal, I was motivated by my fellow writers on the NaNo Maine Facebook page to write just a little bit more and still I am sitting here writing this.

Maybe Homeopaths are on to something…like really does attract like.

😉

Boldly going

October 26, 2013 by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, Date night, Marriage, no fear

My 51st birthday was this year.

When I picked out a cake and asked the person behind the bakery counter to write on it, this was what she wrote: “Happy 50-First Birthday Karen”.

I know, right?

I decided that might be a sign. What if, I thought, I did some things for the ‘first’ time in my 50-“first” year?

And so I have been (informally) doing just that. The most recent thing I did for the first time was going to the Fryeburg Fair. While there, I went on…wait for it… a RIDE. Okay, so maybe not for the first time ever, but for the first time this decade.

I used to love to go on rides. When I was growing up, my grandmother lived within walking distance of Paragon Park in Hull. Needless to say, I grew up going on the rides-lots of them. My parents actually met at that park. We went all the time and I went on every ride, including the most vomit-inducing rollercoasters, with no problem at all.

I stopped going on rides when I was in my thirties. Somehow, the act of giving birth had reorganized my physiology such that when I even thought about going on a ride I got dizzy and nauseated. Sad, but true. I also joined the legions of people who get car sick when riding in the back set of the car, but I digress. Full disclosure: I did try to ride the Tea Cups at the Acton Fair several years ago, but that did not go well. Let’s just leave it at that.

Anyway, I went on the ride. It was one that I loved from Paragon Park when I was a teenager. It was called something different then: The Matterhorn, maybe? Now it’s called The Thunderbolt, but it was the same ride that I remembered from the 70’s.

I didn’t get sick. Nope. I was laughing and yelling and waving my arms around like a kid.

What I learned from this experience is this: my teenage self? She is alive and well and just waiting for opportunities to come out and play. Maybe yours is too.

The story of Sheri

September 8, 2013 by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, friends, good grief, Gratitude Journal 2013, Life in the cube, Midlife Crisis

My husband’s friend Bob died earlier this year.

My friend Sheri died earlier this week.

Early in 2006, Sheri became my mentor at my new job. Shortly thereafter, Sheri became my friend.

To be fair, she was pretty much everybody’s friend. She was just one of those warm, kind, caring people to whom others gravitated.

Need a hand with something? Sheri’s hand was the first one offered. Totally messed up your knitting project? Sheri would have it all straightened out for you in a snap without making you feel like you were the most inept knitter in the world (which, you know, you really were). Need support for your idea to bring in pies to work on National Pi Day? Sheri was right there, brainstorming how to help you get this awesome idea approved.

Sheri wasn’t feeling well last month, so she went to see her doctor. She thought she might get an extra day or two off from work. Instead, she got a terminal cancer diagnosis.

This is what I said to her: Does that suck or what?

This is what she said to me: Did I tell you I got a llama? (Sheri knew that I loved llamas). His name is Lucas.

She heard about a llama that needed a home, so she put a pasture in her front yard and said, “Sure, we can take him.” Lucas came to live with them and spent time with the goats that she also took care of. One day when she went out a little late to feed the goats. they ran over to her and knocked her down. Lucas the llama saw this happen. He rushed to her side and stood there with her, watching over her, until someone came to help her up.
Lucas knows that he is a better llama for having known Sheri.

I am a better person for having known her.

Some random memories of Sheri:

The. Best. Knitter. Ever.
Raised rabbits
Was part of the Common Ground Fair every year
Loved Dunkin Donuts raspberry ice tea…and their chocolate chip cookies
Lover, rescuer, and caretaker of animals, big and small
Loved to troll the Portland Farmers Market every Wednesday morning
Browsed the cookbooks and the knitting books with me at Longfellow’s
Timed our breaks so we could eat and take walks together at work
Put in a big garden every year and put up the spoils

“They lived and laughed and loved and left.” James Joyce

Hair today, gone tomorrow

September 7, 2013 by Karen, posted in family, Midlife Crisis, teens

I have long hair. Whoops, I used to have long hair. I have a tradition. Every few years, when my hair gets long enough, I cut it off and donate it to Locks of Love. I have done this for years. My daughter donated her hair from her first hair cut.

I wasn’t sure how long it took me to regrow my braid so I checked back…had it been 3 years? Four? Nope. It’s been less than 2 year this time! Who knew my hair could still grow that fast?

The minimum required to make a wig is 10 inches, which is just what I gave this year.

This time, for some reason, my daughter tried to talk me out of it. I couldn’t figure out what the problem was, so I asked her,

And she told me. “Mom, I don’t think you look good with short hair.”

Once again proving that some things are better left unsaid.

An old dog, a new (cheap) trick (part two)

August 30, 2013 by Karen, posted in local fun, Marriage, relationships

Then Cheap Trick (did I mention that’s my husband’s favorite band?) came to town.

Sure, they had come to town before, but he never brought it up and I never did either. It was the elephant in the room until the show date came and went. There were usually plenty of good reasons (child care issues, work schedule conflicts, just a little too far away) why we both couldn’t have gone together to the show anyway. Oh, and also, I didn’t like Cheap Trick. I was perhaps the only person who didn’t think Robin Zander was hot.

Once, years ago, I casually mentioned to my husband that if I spent enough time around someone (read: a guy), I could find something about him to like. After I got over the shock of realizing that he actually pays attention to what I say, I realized that he also used this to his advantage. Well, to our advantage. He started playing Cheap Trick music in the car when I with him-a cheap attempt to get me to ‘spend some time’ with Cheap Trick.

He also took me to the venue where they were playing a few weeks in advance to get familiar with the area. We spent several hours exploring and learning our way around, thereby exponentially increasing my comfort level. The end result was this: a week before the show, I was singing along to Cheap Trick songs and looking forward to the show.

Me.

I know, right?

It was awesome. I had a great time. Oh, and now I am perhaps the only person who does think that Robin Zander is hot.

Just sayin’.

An old dog, a new (cheap) trick (part one)

August 28, 2013 by Karen, posted in Date night, local fun, Marriage, Midlife Crisis, relationships, Turning 50

You know how they say that your tastes change as you get older? I have found this to be true in my own life.

I never liked cheese on my pizza. When I was little, maybe 4 or 5 years old, my parents used to scrape it off (and onto their own slices, I imagine) and tell me that they got some cheese-less pizza, “special” for me. That changed by the time I got to high school, when I ordered my pizza with ‘extra cheese’, just like everyone else.
I never liked seafood. With the exception of canned tuna (white, tuna, in water), and the odd clam strip filched from Dad’s plate once a year when we ate out at HoJo’s, nary a fish crossed my plate…for years. I didn’t start eating (fried only) seafood until I moved to Maine because, you know, it’s the law.
Melted American cheese. No, wait, I still hate that.

To approach this from the standpoint of musical tastes, I also have undergone a transformation. Back in the day, I liked The Cars. The Motels. Face to Face. Fleetwood Mac. Still do.

I didn’t like Kiss. Def Leppard. Guns N’ Roses. Headbanger music is what I called it. Poison. Motley Crew…and Cheap Trick. As my grandmother would say, I ‘had no use for them’.

Then I met my husband. The first time I got in his jeep and heard what he was listening to on the radio, I knew that we had, um, widely different tastes in music. I was a Kiss 108 kind of girl. He was an FNX (listen to it? I’d never even heard of it) kind of guy.

We met in the middle with John Mellencamp and Bon Jovi and made the best of it. I didn’t make him listen to my music and he didn’t make me listen to his.

Then Cheap Trick (did I mention that’s my husband’s favorite band?) came to town.

(to be continued…)

Lost at sea

August 24, 2013 by Karen, posted in local fun, Midlife Crisis, no fear, the beach

I love to go to the ocean. I go every day that I possibly can, rain or shine, summer or winter. Even if I only have 1 hour…hell, even if I only 5 minutes, I go.

One thing that I don’t often do, however, is swim in it. It’s not that I don’t want to (I do!), or that I am a wimp about how cold the Maine ocean water is (I am! But I go in any way!). It’s because I’m nearsighted.

Stupid reason not to go in? Maybe. If I am with others, it’s not so bad. I can take off my glasses and fear not: there are people other than me nearby with a stake in my well-being. I can be reasonably certain that I will make it back from the ocean, back to my glasses and thereby restoring my vision, within a reasonable time frame. When I am by myself, well, let’s just say that there are no guarantees.

But for the first time this year, I gave it a shot. I took off my glasses and put them in the case. I put the case into the bright pink beach bag that I brought with me. I positioned my chair so that it was right next to the stairs I took to get down to the beach. I took note of landmarks near my chair (2 large hotel/motel buildings). I walked a bee-line straight into the water. I continually checked my landmarks as best as I could while I was swimming.

When I was finished swimming and attempted to retrace my bee-line, I felt my confidence slipping as I neared where I thought I had left my things, but no bright pink bag was in sight. I was getting nervous…what would I do? I mentally rehearsed my opening line: “Excuse me-I know this is going to sound odd, but I’m lost…”

It was unnecessary after all. I suddenly saw my pink bag…2 people had put up their umbrella and placed their chairs directly in front of my spot.

Really? Really?

The next day I ordered some prescription swim goggles.

Library book sale

July 31, 2013 by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, books, family, friends, teens

My daughter and I ventured into new territory together last year when we volunteered together for the Friends of the Wells Public Library annual fundraising book sale.

We had such a good time volunteering last year that we are planning to do it again this year.

We mostly sorted and carried books to their proper spots on the tables that we helped to set up first thing in the morning. There were plenty of people of all ages there helping out along with us, including The Boy Scouts!!!

This years sale is scheduled for Saturday, August 10th from 10am -2pm and (you guessed it!), for some reason they need more volunteers than just me and Izzy. If you are so inclined and are local and want to help out, just email Susan at susan.layne1@gmail.com. Currently volunteers are still needed from 12pm-3pm on both Friday and Saturday.

If you come to help us, bring something to drink, like a big bottle of water (or maybe keep a cooler in your car with some cold drinks and an ice pack if you are planning to stay a while-hint! hint!). Also, a granola bar or two for you teenagers wouldn’t hurt (because God forbid you eat an apple or something).

If you don’t have time to help, consider coming to shop!!! Spending your money at the book sale will also be appreciated! The book sale is Saturday at the Wells Junior High School in the gym.

Remember (like Susan says): Many hands make light work!

See you there!!

Alive and Kickin’

July 27, 2013 by Karen, posted in family, Midlife Crisis, teens

Want to make your daughter’s day? Sing a song from your youth. I did this today, and in front of her friend, no less. What the hell was I thinking? I don’t know. I was inspired. In my defense, the song came on after “Operator” by Lady Gaga, catching me a little off guard. Yes, it is my iPod, but it’s a few years old and I haven’t used it in a while- maybe 6 months- so I wasn’t sure exactly what’s on it.

So, the song was Tighter, Tighter by Alive and Kickin’. When I was ten years old, my parents gave me a record player for some occasion or other (birthday? Christmas? I forget) and this was one of the three 45’s that they gave me with it. The others were Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes by Edison Lighthouse and Band of Gold by Freda Payne.

Because I loved these songs (this was before I discovered David Cassidy), I played them over and over. Or maybe it was because I only had these three records. Whatever. The point is this: Tighter, Tighter came out in 1970. Here I am in 2013 singing it and I remember all of the words (okay, most of them). Right? And not just this song; I remember the words to the other two songs too (and it must be said: much to my daughter’s chagrin).

Here’s what I wish: that Calculus had been set to music, because I couldn’t solve a theorem today to save my life, despite 4 courses in Calculus in both high school and college–elective courses. Yep, I took Calculus in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s because I liked it . In 2013, however, I don’t know cosines from shinola.

Note to mathematicians: If you all had set Calculus to music. I’d be a lot smarter today.