Category: Midlife Crisis

Mantra for 2013

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, family, Midlife Crisis, restaurants, teens

At a company that I worked for a while back, the atmosphere was dark and heavy. People often described the job as “Well, it is what it is.” Body language and facial expressions left no doubt that what it was, well, was yucky.

After years of hearing this “It is what it is” crap, it became kind of ingrained in my subconscious. This phrase popped up in all kinds of situations that were unpleasant. “It is what it is” makes you feel powerless, even desperate.

I was thinking about it this morning as I drove to work. It’s New Year’s Day. I had gotten up extra early (hello, can you say 4:15AM?) so I could make a stop on my way. My quest for an early morning breakfast treat (a small baked good; not too much to ask for, right?) proved fruitless, because even though the McD’s and Dunkin Donuts in Sanford and Wells are open at 5AM, the McD”s and Dunkin Donuts in Kennebunk, alas, are not.

There I sat at 4:55AM, waiting for the drive thru to open up. At 5:03AM it occurred to me to give a quick check of the hours sign at the front door and I realized my error. I got on the highway, thinking that I would still have just enough time to go to the DD’s close  to my job (the bad one that I have been avoiding since the cashier dumped an early morning coffee on a colleague).

I made it in time, got to the drive thru, and (hurray!) ordered my coffee and muffin. The clerk interrupted my happy dance to say, “Well, the muffins aren’t ready yet.”
What?

What?

My first thought was (you guessed it), “It is what it is.” Then, it occurred to me that this is indicative a Bad Attitude. I am not going to start my new year off with that old shoe on my foot. I’m going to put my best foot forward in 2013 and so I’ve adopted a new mantra:

“It is what you make it.”

When I got home from work, my daughter (who knew nothing about my morning) had a surprise waiting for me on the kitchen island:

Bran muffin from Hannaford
Bran muffin from Hannaford

This reminded me of another (worthy) mantra:
“Life is good.”

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 :

Ode to snow, part 2

by Karen, posted in Adult children, family, fitness, health, Marriage, Midlife Crisis, teens, Turning 50
http://wintercenter.homestead.com/files/1978vt.jpg
http://wintercenter.homestead.com/files/1978vt.jpg

My thoughts wandered, fueled by cold and the discomfort of muscles that are rarely used screaming their displeasure at being exploited in the manner required by shoveling.

I remember being handed a shovel and instructions to go “do the front steps” of our house. We had a house with 14 concrete steps at that time. “Do the steps” was an hour at least of back breaking work. Should I mention that we lived in that house during the blizzard of ’78?

I had to go outside and shovel with my scaled-to-my-size shovel gifted to me for Christmas by mom and dad when I was four years old. Even though my midlife memory leaves something to be desired (reference I remember nothing by Nora Ephron), I swear, it’s true! I have a picture around here somewhere….

My parents stayed inside and smiled and waved at us kids while we kids were outside shoveling.

As it should be.

The 50 year old mom shouldn’t be outside shoveling while the 13 year old daughter is inside glued to her itouch.

Then I had another thought. When my mother was 50 years old, she couldn’t shovel. She was busy being diagnosed with a stage IV pelvic cancer of an uncertain type. She couldn’t shovel. She was busy dying.

Suddenly, I was very happy to be a 50 year old woman outside shoveling.  A woman with 2 happy, healthy kids, married to the love of my life. A woman with a strong, healthy body for whom shoveling was not only possible, but beneficial cardiovascularly speaking. A woman with a house and yard that needed shoveling.

Wayne Dyer was right: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Back in the saddle again. Not.

by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, fitness, health, Karen's Kitchen, Marriage, Midlife Crisis, no fear

I was thinking that now that the kids are back in school, I should resume my walking routine. I used to walk 3 miles or so every morning around 6:45am, before I did anything else…even before I went to the gym or yoga class. I did it every day just like clockwork.

Until I stopped.

Why did I stop? Or why did I tell myself that I stopped?

  1. Because it was too cold.
  2. Because it was too dark.
  3. Because I was too Goddamned tired.
  4. Because skipping one day couldn’t hurt, right?
  5. Because it was hunting season and my husband (well, most of the time) didn’t want me to risk getting shot by an idiot hunter who mistook my white mittens for a deer’s tail. This really did happen to someone (thankfully not to me).

The real reason, though, is this: I just hate to exercise, pure and simple. There are long spans of time when I convince myself to forget this, usually in the summer and early fall, when I can distract myself by looking at the ocean while I walk.
This time of year? Not so much. Like today, for example. I drove to the beach with good intentions. I was going to walk for 30 minutes or so. When I got there I realized that I had not worn my sneakers, plus it was high tide right up to the wall.

I mean, what could I do? I ask you.

Good thing I brought my book and a small baked good (of the pumpkin variety) to ease my disappointment over not being able to get that walk in after all.

Maybe tomorrow…

Second act

by Karen, posted in family, friends, Marriage, Midlife Crisis, no fear, relationships, Turning 50

I was watching the second episode of the new season of The Middle on TV. In it, Frankie has just unexpectedly lost her job and decides that instead of just running out to get another (crappy) job, she is going to treat this event as an opportunity,  a ‘second act’ in her life.

She decides to go back to school and learn to do something else. Something better.

Since turning 50 a few months ago, I’ve been thinking that my own second act may have started (or maybe even the third…but I digress).

I am hopeful this time around will be a bit easier. After all, this time around I have the benefit of wisdom to help me to successfully navigate what’s ahead, not to mention the love and support of my family and friends. Well, okay, I did have the that first time around too.

Thank God.

Also, this time around I live near enough to the ocean to visit it every day. As everyone knows, the ocean is the cure for what ails you.

Important lessons learned:  My husband rocks. My son rocks. My daughter rocks.  They all have my back every single day and really, what else matters?

The right words at the right time

by Karen, posted in Angels, family, friends, good grief, Midlife Crisis, no fear, relationships

Today, someone told me something that I really needed to hear.

We have been dealing with an ongoing issue for years and things rarely go our way. This year there are some new people involved, one of whom we know from another area of our lives.

These were the words: “I’m on your side.”

After she said them, I felt a subtle shift, and my thoughts about the situation in which we are both involved changed.  I started having new, different, more positive thoughts. I felt less anxious. Suddenly, I started tearing up.  I breathed through it. Everything might actually turn out okay, I thought.

Later on this afternoon, I was in other circumstances that became emotional and I started tearing up again. I went to sit in my car. I called my husband at work, which I rarely do at that time of day because I know it will be difficult for him to come to the phone. I was lucky enough to reach him and then, for the second time today, someone told me something that I really needed to hear.

This is what he said: “Everything is going to be alright.”

Everything is going to be alright.

Book Review

by Karen, posted in books, Midlife Crisis, relationships

Seating ArrangementsSeating Arrangements by Maggie Shipstead
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I thought that this book was going to be about a wedding, but it’s really about a man’s midlife crisis. Okay, it’s also about intimate relationships of all kinds. I ended up really liking this book anyway. I love the writing, the metaphors, and the funniness (I hope that is a real word). Even the parts that just don’t seem to belong in there at all were still a pleasure to read. Overall, it was a great book; worth the time it took to read it.

View all my reviews

Pig aggression

by Karen, posted in fitness, local fun, Marriage, Midlife Crisis, no fear, Turning 50

I was walking my route other morning when I heard an animal noise from behind me. I was passing the pig sty (literal, not figurative) that is on the street adjacent to mine right at the side of the road, so of course I knew it was a pig. These pigs also routinely jump the fence so I shouldn’t have been surprised when I saw him in the road, staring at me, grunting.
Note: a pig’s grunt sounds ominously like a mountain lion. I don’t know why. It just does.

For several seconds I just stood there, unsure if I should try to pass it or go back the other way.  Should I call my husband to come and pick me up (which he would have done, after he finished laughing)?  What if it charged me? It looked like it was almost as big as I am, and may even have outweighed me. I decided to close my eyes and walk very fast past the pen while chanting to myself, “I am very safe; I am very safe.”

I told my husband about this when I got back and we had a good laugh.

The next day I went to the beach instead (in order to avoid another pig incident) to do my usual walk to the jetty. I was almost all the way back when I became aware of footsteps running up behind me, then retreating, then catching up again. I didn’t look at first, because there were so many unleashed dogs on the beach that I thought it must be that. The third time it approached, though, I did turn and look…and it was a male wearing a rubber pig face mask, which was about an inch from my face.

Need I say that I was scared to death?

This time, my husband was there. Within about a second he was running full tilt toward me to see if I was okay, then he went to, um, discuss the event with the perp. This time, I didn’t have to convince myself I was safe. This time, my husband made sure that I was safe.

One question remains: What the heck is the universe trying to tell me with these pigs?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Betrayed

by Karen, posted in fitness, health, Midlife Crisis, Turning 50, Work from Home

So, my 3 mile, 30 minute morning walking route? It’s really only 2.14 miles and takes me 34 minutes to walk it. How do I know this? I downloaded an app to my iPhone called RunKeeper (and NO, I NEVER run but it tracks lots of activities in the free version) and walked my usual route.

OMG.

I had originally tracked the route I walk on my car’s odometer, but there was an error in there somewhere, apparently.

Shoot.

So, I had to keep going past my usual ending point to get a 3 mile walk in. The thing is, I signed up for a walking challenge at work and have committed to walking 10 miles per week.  I thought it would be easy enough to manage, if i just resumed my now long abandoned morning routine of

  1. Putting child on school bus
  2. Walking

but hey, guess what?  My half hour morning walk morphed into a 51.47 minute walk.

May I just take a moment to say “UGH”.

Another first

by Karen, posted in fitness, health, local fun, Midlife Crisis, no fear, the beach, Turning 50

When I turned 50 this year, I decided to try to do things for the first time, since this is my first year in a new decade. Today, I went swimming at the beach all by myself.

This is no small undertaking, to which anyone who wears glasses and is severely myopic will attest. The problem is this: what to do with the glasses? Leave them on, and risk losing them to the ocean, or leave them in a bag with your stuff on your chair, and risk losing yourself?

If I go swimming at the beach with others (who, you know, can see), they can guide me back to our place in the sand, no problem. When faced with the prospect of trying to find my way back without guidance, I have always balked, then caved. In other words, I’ve never done it.

Until today. I brought my red canvas bag, hoping that I would be able to detect the bright color, if nothing else, when it was time to leave the water and find my stuff. I put my chair right at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the parking lot. I walked in a straight line to the ocean, which was at medium-low (not low-low) tide, so I didn’t have to go too far to get back to square one. I hoped for the best.

My Plan B was this: to depend on the kindness of strangers. “Excuse me, but I’m lost…” wouldn’t sound very convincing coming from the mouth of a 50-year-old, so I fervently hoped I wouldn’t have to go this route.

I am happy to report that I didn’t! I swam in the ocean for 20 minutes, came out (just to prove to myself that I could find my stuff–and to get away from the teenage boy who wouldn’t stop taunting his sister with talk about the sharks getting us), then went back in for another 20 minutes.

Life was good today.

Writer’s lull

by Karen, posted in education, family, Midlife Crisis, writing

For weeks and weeks, I was the whirling dervish of writing:

  1. I had a few blogs going for which I posted several times a week.
  2. I was writing 2000 words a day for my book.
  3. I was writing book reviews for several websites.
  4. I was writing restaurant reviews and food articles for an online magazine.
  5. I was writing millions of words in emails to my friends and coworkers daily.

…and so on; you get the idea. I was wily and whimsical in my writing.

Then, an issue came up in relation to the education of one of my children and suddenly I found that much of my writing time was taken up with writing emails, letters, and synopses of events and phone conversations for many different involved parties, almost every day, including weekends, almost to the exclusion of all else. I was diligent and dutiful in my writing.

Now there is a lull in the education issue. I have reluctantly come to realize that there is now a lull in my writing activities as well. I have learned this: the more I write, the more I write. Unfortunately, the converse is also true: the less I write, the less I write. This writer’s lull is different from writer’s block. It’s not that I have no ideas about what to write. I have plenty of ideas;  I just can’t seem to get them out of my head and onto the page.

I was distressed. When I told a friend about this, she suggested that this is actually a period of renewal, a time to foster new ideas and thoughts that will fuel my next writing phase. She further suggested that this period of writing not-so-much is part of the process, and therefore is necessary and beneficial.

I’ve decided to go with it, on the chance that it might be true.

It feels true.