mothers and daughters – Page 2 – Karen Creamer Author, Coach, Speaker

Give me the flowers

February 13, 2016February 13, 2016 by Karen, posted in Angels, Grace, local fun, Metaphysical healing, my one word

This month, I felt drawn to attend one of Melissa Boyd’s programs where she channels messages from spirit, but I had no one to go with. By nature I am an introvert, and typically I am not a person who likes to go places alone. Other than, you know, a coffee shop with a book.

Anyway, this month marks the 20th anniversary of the death of my mother (on leap day). I think that’s why this month, I felt there was a good chance I might get a message from her, so I put on my big girl panties (actually, my big girl thermal panties -it was -3 degrees!) and went by myself.

Right away, I noticed the pretty pink vase with 3 tulips on the table. Three is my favorite number, and tulips are one of my favorite flowers. I thought that after the program, I might ask Melissa who did the flowers for the event so I could get me some of those flowers, and get me one of those pink vases.

Anyway, in the last ten minutes of the program I realized that I was not going to be one of the lucky ones who got a channeled message. I felt that my mother was there, though! I felt sad and disappointed that she didn’t get a chance to speak to me. I consoled myself with the knowledge that the other people present needed their messages more urgently than I did.

But you know, I wanted some validation that she really was there.

And then I heard Melissa say that she intended to raffle off the vases of flowers.

🙂

So I sent my mother a message: “Ma, if you’re here, give me the flowers”.

They called the first number.

Mine.

Thanks, Ma.

Postscript: It gets better. When I got into the car to go home, a song came on the radio. Here’s an excerpt:

“And I have need for nothing more
Oh now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes You are here with me.”

(From Mountain of God by Third Day)

Message from Mom

July 28, 2015July 28, 2015 by Karen, posted in Angels, family, good grief, He and me

So I had a visit last night from my mother. She died in 1996.

She visited me in a dream. She was wearing a long white dress that was cinched in at the waist with a sash that I think was also white. I should note that she never dressed like that in real life. Anyway, it was a slimmer, younger, healthy version of her (she was quite ill when she died) and she came to tell me something. When my mother comes through to me in my dreams, she never actually speaks out loud; she communicates with me through thoughts. Anyway, she came to give me a message and in the dream, I had the thought that this must be very important information for me to know, since she made the trip to tell me this, and that I better remember it.

Later on when I woke for the day, I remembered the dream very clearly. I remember my thoughts about the message too. What I DON’T remember is this: WHAT THE MESSAGE WAS!

I tried over and over to get it back, but it’s gone.
I told my husband this, and as I was telling him, the tears started.

He: Why are you crying?
Me: I don’t know! Because I can’t remember what the message was!

He: Don’t worry. You got the message. Just because you can’t remember it consciously doesn’t mean you didn’t get. It’s in your subconscious. You have it.

I immediately felt the truth of what he was saying. Every so often, my husband says exactly the right words to me at exactly the right time.

And then he sort of shuddered.

Me: What was that?
He: I got a chill.

So now I get it. That was my mother there in the car with us.

🙂

Missing my mother

May 10, 2015May 10, 2015 by Karen, posted in Adult children, Angels, family, good grief

It’s Mother’s Day, and I am missing my mother.

My mother died. Nineteen years ago. Sometimes I am embarrassed by the tears that can suddenly overtake me when I realize that I am still missing her so much. Really? At almost 53 years old?

Really.

Sometimes the emotion sneaks up on me so fast and is so strong that it takes my breath away. But it’s been so long, I think. I shouldn’t still feel so bad, I think.

The truth is that I didn’t appreciate her enough while she was still alive. I left her in a million ways before she left me.

Now that I am the mother in this complicated mother-daughter algorithm, I have insights that I lacked then. It wasn’t until I became a mother that I realized all the ways that my mother was there for me that I didn’t even know about.

We are connected forever to our mothers. My mother carried me inside of her, and now I carry her inside of me. Whenever I wonder if she is still with me, I get a huge rush of feeling-love?- that assures me of her continued presence in my life. Just like when she was still alive, she is always as close as I will allow her to be.

Disney

April 10, 2015April 10, 2015 by Karen, posted in family, no fear, teens, Travel

I went to Disney once before, in 1989 (or thereabouts). There was one ride I wanted to go on then: Space Mountain. I have no idea why, but I was fixated on it. When we got there, the first thing I did was ask where that ride was and, guess what? Space Mountain was CLOSED. Yep. I know, right? Unbelievable.

Fast forward (OMG-I just had to use a calculator to make sure this number was correct) twenty-six years to the present. Twenty-six years during which all of my friends and family were subject to hearing that story. Over and over.

And over.

I was going back to Disney with my daughter. It was her first trip there. It was her birthday present. It was all about her.

Except for this: this was all about me. I had a FastPass for us for Space Mountain. We got there. I made her take my picture in front of it. We found the FP entrance and went in. We got in line and…my daughter freaked out. She didn’t want to go on it! Now I had a moral dilemma. After twenty-six years, I was finally going to put this urban legend to rest, but am I the kind of mother would force my distraught daughter to get on a ride when she didn’t want to?

You bet I am.

The only way out of it is through it.

I think this is a good lesson for life in general.

N.B. In my defense, afterward she said it turned out to be her favorite ride at Magic Kingdom.

🙂

To boldly go, part two

March 29, 2015April 3, 2015 by Karen, posted in Disney, teens, Travel

So a funny thing happened after I decided to go to Disney with my daughter. You know how they say that the universe starts lining up to help you when you are on the right track? Well, it’s TRUE! I saw it happen with my own eyes!
First I thought, no way can I make this happen. Then my husband Bill said, “Of course, you can do it! You’ll figure it out.”

I was nervous about arranging getting there and back. Like, which airline? How do you book a flight? How much is reasonable to pay? Which airport? Then my son Anthony and his girlfriend Hannah, my friends at work (you know who you are!! Thank you!!!), gave me information that helped make this whole process easy.
I was overwhelmed with the thought of figuring out where to stay. My brother Patrick and his wife Andrea came through for me big time with this too, offering to let us stay at their amazing time share.

How would we get to the airport in time for our flight? We would have to get there by, oh, 6am or so and the airport is an hour and a half away. Also, I am directionally challenged. I can’t read a map. What if I got lost and we missed our flight? Then I my friend Ann said, “Hey, I want to help you and your daughter with your trip to Disney.” It turns out that she can see the airport from where she lives. She offered to let us come down the night before, eat dinner and stay over at her house, and then she would drive us to and from the airport on our departure and return days.

My friends Cindy and Laura offered to help in as well with anything else we might need. I am sorry if I have not named everyone who came forward. I appreciate you all!

My coworkers surprised me with a card with money to have a meal on them. Thank you Lynn, Christine, Charlotte, Lori, Laurie, Catherine, Pauline, Annette, Therese, Patti, Barbara, Carol, Sue, and Sheila. 🙂

Almost forgot: Shawna, thank you for the maps! And your advice! 🙂

I have no words.

To boldly go, part one

March 29, 2015March 29, 2015 by Karen, posted in Adult children, family, my one word, teens, Travel

My daughter has been asking to go to Disney since she was about 9 years old. I would always listen to her ask, nod, smile, and say that tried and true line that I’d borrowed from my own mother: “We’ll see.” I got away with that for, oh, 5 years or so. Five years during which she watched many of her friends go to Disney. Five years during which she watched her older brother go to Disney (in fairness, I never took him either-he was an adult and paid his own way when he went). Five years during which she got older and smarter and my “We’ll see” was starting to fall a little flat, even to my own ears.

A few years ago, she changed her tack; instead of asking to go, she started asking to go for her sixteenth birthday. That changed the game completely. That was a line in the sand. “We’ll see” is timeless, fluid, eternal. “By my sixteenth birthday” was a finish line. I stopped saying, “We’ll see” to my daughter and started thinking, “What if…?” to myself.

Since my one word this year is ‘brave’, the ‘what if’s’ have become more insistent. So what if I haven’t been on a plane in, oh, 25 years or so? So what if my vacation hours at work are precious and few? My daughter will only turn sixteen once. So what if park passes cost more than the airfare? So what if we live far away from an airport with a direct flight to where we are going? So what if the idea of getting us there and back is, um, terrifying?

We’re going.

A welcoming place

January 18, 2015 by Karen, posted in (it's all about the) food, family, my one word, teens

I had the great pleasure of attending the Bean Tree Open House today with my daughter, Izzy. Their Facebook page describes Bean Tree as “a studio for creativity and growth”.

Sign me up for that.

When we entered the house through (after much discussion) the middle of three doors, we found ourselves in bright, cheerful kitchen. Nancy Carroll introduced herself and offered us the option of having some tea or to poke around the studio a bit first. We decided to poke.

Everywhere we looked there was something beautiful to see: a silver angel on a key ring, colorful mosaics hanging on the walls, lovely pottery pieces of all kinds. The energy in the rooms was warm and inviting. The pottery studio is on the left side of the house, and the collage studio is on the right. The kitchen is a central area where the aforementioned tea was brewing, and (nice surprise!) some plates of small baked goods were available: cookies and sweet rolls and scones, oh my! 🙂

The collage room drew me because I am interested in one of the upcoming Intro to SoulCollage (registered trademark keyboard symbol…where are you?) workshops Nancy has planned. There were tables of images available and a poster board on an easel so that today’s guests could contribute to a community collage for the Open House. Izzy and I took our time choosing our images. I found one that shrieked ‘brave!’ at me and after taking Nancy’s advice to trim it a bit, made my contribution. You can see it there on the left. Guess which images were from Izzy!

And then I ate a cookie (note to self: ask for the recipe-so good!).

Was that wrong?

There is another class mentioned on the website that I am interested in finding out more about: The Power of Home: An Art Journal Workshop. Yay! So much to look forward to!

What about you? How are you staying creative these days? Add your comment below.

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Telling our story

December 8, 2014December 14, 2014 by Karen, posted in Adult children, Angels, family, good grief, knitting, The write words at the write time

I was at a craft show a couple of weekends ago. The weather was awful–freezing rain coating the icy snow on the ground that fell overnight. As soon as I got through the door, I stopped to shake it off of me. The first thing I saw was a table of scarves and hats, and the small dark-eyed woman standing behind it caught my eye.

I took a minute to look at the items on the table. I noticed a black and white scarf that I knew would make a great gift for a number of the people on my list.

I asked, “How much is this?”

“Fifteen dollars,” she replied, “and you can pick a free cookbook from the box,” she added, hopeful, hands clasped in front of her.

I looked down. The ‘cookbooks’ were some old cooking magazines from 2008.

Well, all-righty then.

As she was wrapping it up, I was looking through my bag for my checkbook (note to self: Clean this damn thing out!).

I asked, “Did you make these?”

“Yes. Well, me and my daughter did. And then after she died, I made some more myself,” she told me.

What? Oh, no.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I told her, and suddenly found myself hugging her. “Yes, it was hard,” she said, and proceeded to tell me about how her diabetic daughter who couldn’t feel her feel very well had a blood sugar drop that caused her to get into a car accident. “She went through the windshield and died instantly, the…the….” she trailed off.

“Medical examiner?” I offered.

“Yes! Yes, the medical examiner said. She didn’t feel anything, he said, and that made me feel a little better, but I was still pretty sad. Until my birthday,” she said.

This is what happened on her birthday: She and her husband were having lunch, feeling the feelings only parents who have lost their child feel. Suddenly, her glass of water slid across the table. About four inches. By itself. “I said, ‘Did you see that?’ to my husband. “‘That’s her wishing you a Happy Birthday,’ he told me, and we both teared up. Then I felt much better. I knew she was okay.”

Sometimes, people just need to tell their story.

Even if they aren’t writers.

Passaggiata

October 4, 2014October 4, 2014 by Karen, posted in family, health, italian, local fun

I live in a rural part of my town in Maine. There are few places that I can get to on foot that wouldn’t require packing for a half day trek. That’s why I looked forward to the Bean Supper this year. This is a destination that I could comfortably walk to and from and to which there was a good chance I could convince my daughter to accompany me.

As we walked along my road, the word ‘passaggiata‘ came to my mind. This is, as I understand it, the Italian custom of taking a walk through the town after dinner. Historically, this is something my family has only practiced on holidays.

You know, hardly ever.

Other than the walk we took after Thanksgiving dinner one year, I am hard pressed to remember any other times we’ve done this. Why not? Okay, in the summer it’s because I am no match for those horseflies that will use every ounce of energy they have in their creepy little bodies to enter either my nose or my ears or, failing that, sting the crap out of me. But this time of year there is no good reason. Oh, yes, one: I’m too lazy.

Well, tonight I am happy to say that we walked to dinner, ate, and walked home. The rain felt lovely. Despite the deluge that was predicted, it remained fairly light so we didn’t get too drenched.The company of my daughter was much appreciated. I even entertain the thought of doing this again tomorrow night.

We’ll see.

Alive and Kickin’

July 27, 2013 by Karen, posted in family, Midlife Crisis, teens

Want to make your daughter’s day? Sing a song from your youth. I did this today, and in front of her friend, no less. What the hell was I thinking? I don’t know. I was inspired. In my defense, the song came on after “Operator” by Lady Gaga, catching me a little off guard. Yes, it is my iPod, but it’s a few years old and I haven’t used it in a while- maybe 6 months- so I wasn’t sure exactly what’s on it.

So, the song was Tighter, Tighter by Alive and Kickin’. When I was ten years old, my parents gave me a record player for some occasion or other (birthday? Christmas? I forget) and this was one of the three 45’s that they gave me with it. The others were Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes by Edison Lighthouse and Band of Gold by Freda Payne.

Because I loved these songs (this was before I discovered David Cassidy), I played them over and over. Or maybe it was because I only had these three records. Whatever. The point is this: Tighter, Tighter came out in 1970. Here I am in 2013 singing it and I remember all of the words (okay, most of them). Right? And not just this song; I remember the words to the other two songs too (and it must be said: much to my daughter’s chagrin).

Here’s what I wish: that Calculus had been set to music, because I couldn’t solve a theorem today to save my life, despite 4 courses in Calculus in both high school and college–elective courses. Yep, I took Calculus in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s because I liked it . In 2013, however, I don’t know cosines from shinola.

Note to mathematicians: If you all had set Calculus to music. I’d be a lot smarter today.