50: The year I got old

30 Mar 2013 6 Comments

by kwrites in (it's all about the) food, Adult children, family, fitness, health, Midlife Crisis, no fear, Turning 50 Tags: , , , , ,

I was thinking about how I have been in a funk these past several weeks, when I realized, no, it’s actually been several months now that I’ve been feeling this way.  I realized what is partly affecting kneemy mood and my decisions is this: I feel old.

  1. My skin looks old.
  2. All of my joints hurt all the time so I don’t want to exercise.
  3. If I do exercise, all my muscles hurt the next day.
  4. My bowel pattern is a constant concern.
  5. No matter what time I go to bed, or how late I sleep in the morning, I’m still tired all the time.
  6. I don’t want to do any work anymore.
  7. I don’t want to eat “healthy” anymore. I want cappuccino whoopie pies and DQ blizzards and apple crisps and Peanut M+M’s every frikkin’ day.
  8. I don’t even want to read anymore because my expensively, progressively, trifocally, Transitions vision sucks.

How’s that for pathetic? After I read my list it dawned on me: I’m depressed. SAD probably, since this is the longest, coldest, snowiest winter in the last, what, million years.

My daughter was reading this over my shoulder without my knowledge as I was writing it. A little while later she said,

She: “Mom, it’s not true.”

Me: “What’s not true?”

She: “That stuff you were writing; it’s not true.”

My daughter: yep, think I’ll keep her.

Birthdays

24 Feb 2013 1 Comment

by kwrites in (it's all about the) food, family, friends Tags: , , , ,

bdayMy lovely daughter is turning 14 in a couple of months. We have given her a birthday party every year of her life, so there is a  fair chance that she will be expecting one this year too.

What to do?

There is some pressure not only to do something that is new and different from a)what we’ve done before, but also from b) what everyone else had done before.

No easy feat, that.

We have had all kinds of parties over the years, but the Smitty’s birthday party was my favorite. We go to the theater and everything happens there: the cake, the presents, the meal, the activity (movie, duh), the goodie bags. The employees clean up afterwards. In other words, I got off easy.

I am finding that this idea is a hard sell to my teenage daughter, who has ‘been there, done that”.

We are leaning toward a …wait for it… spa party. I have a couple of ideas and potential tricks up my sleeve, so if the planets align it might all come together into a nice day for my daughter.

Gratitude continued

24 Jan 2013 2 Comments

by kwrites in (it's all about the) food, family, Gratitude Journal 2013, Marriage Tags: , , ,

body blanket

January 24, 2013
1 For my husband, who took my daughter to school when it was 1 degree below zero so that both I and she could stay warm.
2. My Grampa’s Garden microwavable body blanket. Enough said.
3. My washer and dryer. I remember hauling laundry to the laundromat.
4. My crock pot. Best winter cooking tool.
5. Hot chocolate with whipped cream (reference 1 degree below zero above).

Gratitude

12 Jan 2013 4 Comments

by kwrites in books, family, friends, Midlife Crisis, no fear, Turning 50 Tags: , , , , , ,

Gratitude Journal~Sarah Ban BreathnachI passed by the TV in the common area at work and they were interviewing someone or other (I am guessing it was Gretchen Rubin) who was talking about how important it is to write down things for which you are grateful. Further, if you take the time to write a gratitude list, you will be happier.

If they say it on The Today Show, it must be true, right?

I am no stranger to the gratitude list. I have twice in years past kept an official Gratitude Journal. I faithfully (well, usually) wrote down 5 things every day for which I was grateful. I thought about doing it this year, too. . . and that’s all I did. I thought about it, then it went the way of so many of my great thoughts…just completely disappeared from my head until I saw this post’s title that I started a week ago and forgot about (hello, midlife monkey mind).

I know what stopped me: I didn’t buy The Gratitude Journal and so therefore I could not record my gratefulness! Then I stumbled upon this site:

The Simple Abundance online Gratitude Journal

Yay! Excuses begone! I am taking the plunge with the online journal. I don’t think a day goes by that I am not on the computer for something (email, Facebook) so it should be easy, right?

Right?

Here’s today’s:

January 12, 2013
1 Spicy Eggnog Coffee
2. Sleeping until I wake up without the alarm
3. No appointments
4. My family and friends
5. My new job

You don’t have to pay to sign up if you don’t want to. Just type into the feature, then cut and paste it to a folder on your desktop.

I’m feeling happier already!

Mantra for 2013

01 Jan 2013 2 Comments

by kwrites in (it's all about the) food, family, Midlife Crisis, restaurants, teens Tags: , , , ,

At a company that I worked for a while back, the atmosphere was dark and heavy. People often described the job as “Well, it is what it is.” Body language and facial expressions left no doubt that what it was, well, was yucky.

After years of hearing this “It is what it is” crap, it became kind of ingrained in my subconscious. This phrase popped up in all kinds of situations that were unpleasant. “It is what it is” makes you feel powerless, even desperate.

I was thinking about it this morning as I drove to work. It’s New Year’s Day. I had gotten up extra early (hello, can you say 4:15AM?) so I could make a stop on my way. My quest for an early morning breakfast treat (a small baked good; not too much to ask for, right?) proved fruitless, because even though the McD’s and Dunkin Donuts in Sanford and Wells are open at 5AM, the McD”s and Dunkin Donuts in Kennebunk, alas, are not.

There I sat at 4:55AM, waiting for the drive thru to open up. At 5:03AM it occurred to me to give a quick check of the hours sign at the front door and I realized my error. I got on the highway, thinking that I would still have just enough time to go to the DD’s close  to my job (the bad one that I have been avoiding since the cashier dumped an early morning coffee on a colleague).

I made it in time, got to the drive thru, and (hurray!) ordered my coffee and muffin. The clerk interrupted my happy dance to say, “Well, the muffins aren’t ready yet.”
What?

What?

My first thought was (you guessed it), “It is what it is.” Then, it occurred to me that this is indicative a Bad Attitude. I am not going to start my new year off with that old shoe on my foot. I’m going to put my best foot forward in 2013 and so I’ve adopted a new mantra:

“It is what you make it.”

When I got home from work, my daughter (who knew nothing about my morning) had a surprise waiting for me on the kitchen island:

Bran muffin from Hannaford

Bran muffin from Hannaford

This reminded me of another (worthy) mantra:
“Life is good.”

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :

Ode to snow, part 2

31 Dec 2012 1 Comment

by kwrites in Adult children, family, fitness, health, Marriage, Midlife Crisis, teens, Turning 50 Tags: , , , , ,

My thoughts wandered, fueled by cold and the discomfort of muscles that are rarely used screaming their displeasure at being exploited in the manner required by shoveling.

I remember being handed a shovel and instructions to go “do the front steps” of our house. We had a house with 14 concrete steps at that time. “Do the steps” was an hour at least of back breaking work. Should I mention that we lived in that house during the blizzard of ’78?

I had to go outside and shovel with my scaled-to-my-size shovel gifted to me for Christmas by mom and dad when I was four years old. Even though my midlife memory leaves something to be desired (reference I remember nothing by Nora Ephron), I swear, it’s true! I have a picture around here somewhere….

My parents stayed inside and smiled and waved at us kids while we kids were outside shoveling.

As it should be.

The 50 year old mom shouldn’t be outside shoveling while the 13 year old daughter is inside glued to her itouch.

Then I had another thought. When my mother was 50 years old, she couldn’t shovel. She was busy being diagnosed with a stage IV pelvic cancer of an uncertain type. She couldn’t shovel. She was busy dying.

Suddenly, I was very happy to be a 50 year old woman outside shoveling.  A woman with 2 happy, healthy kids, married to the love of my life. A woman with a strong, healthy body for whom shoveling was not only possible, but beneficial cardiovascularly speaking. A woman with a house and yard that needed shoveling.

Wayne Dyer was right: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Ode to snow, part 1

30 Dec 2012 Leave a Comment

by kwrites in family, health, no fear Tags: , ,

snowIt snowed last night.

A lot.

You know; the kind of snow that makes it almost impossible to open your freakin’ back door and get out of your house? Worse, it fell on top of the same kind (and amount) of snow that fell two days ago. The large accumulations that always come when the weather people are forecasting a dusting to an inch. The kind that always comes when your husband is out of state and  your adult son is unable to help. Massive snowfall.

I woke up my (adult) son.

Me: “Hey, give me your car keys and I’ll start your car. What time do you have to be at work? You’re going to need some extra time today.”

Him: “Hrumph.”

I started his car. I cleaned it off. After he left, I woke my (teenaged) daughter. Made her lunch. Then I grabbed my snow gear (note: it is really MOM who needs the snow pants, not the kids) and headed outside to (try to) shovel.

You know, it’s hard to shovel when the snow banks are over your head.

As I was freezing my ass off (25 degrees here) and my feet were going numb (my knee high boots were too short; the snow was higher and piled into them every time I took a step, and my socks had migrated somewhere into the boot and were no longer covering my feet), my thoughts were interrupted by my aforementioned (did I say she’s 13?) daughter waving and smiling at me from the window.

What is wrong with this picture?

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…to be continued…

Oh Christmas tree

28 Dec 2012 Leave a Comment

by kwrites in (it's all about the) food, family, Holidays, Marriage Tags: , , , ,

Chrismas tree 2012Oh my God, what a big pile of crap Christmas has left in its wake. Wouldn’t it be great if those damned elves showed up after Christmas to help pick up the house instead of before Christmas to help demolish it?

I am usually a put-the-(fake -tree-up-the-weekend-before-Christmas-and-take-it-down-the-day-after kind of gal. This year, however, with the way Christmas fell on a Tuesday (stupid Christmas–no 3 day weekend this year), my work schedule, my husband’s work schedule, the kids’ school schedules…we didn’t get that tree up until late. My daughter requested that we leave it up until at least New Year’s Day to (over)compensate, and we agreed. Now I am second guessing this decision.

It’s making me anxious. You know, the way it’s standing over there against the wall, looking at me. Reproaching me for not taking it down on Wednesday. Here it is Friday, for Chrissakes, and it’s still here, not knowing what to do with itself. What, with the presents all unwrapped and strewn about the house.

“Give it a rest, already!” it seems to be saying.

Anyone else still have a tree keeping vigil?

String theory

20 Oct 2012 2 Comments

by kwrites in family, good grief, relationships Tags: , , ,

I recently attended a memorial service. I didn’t know the woman who died, Mary, very well, but that didn’t stop me from crying almost from the time the first words were out of the celebrant’s mouth. Like Lt. Columbo said, “…death reminds you of death” (or something close to that). Not only was I sad for Mary and her family, I was also remembering the loss of my own mother, my grandmothers, my father. Even though they died many years ago, for grief purposes, it could have been yesterday. Because I’d experienced the loss of my mother, I was feeling an overwhelming empathy for what Mary’s daughter must be feeling.

Something that struck me was this: many of the things that were being said about Mary’s interests and what was important to her were true for me as well. Loves the ocean? Check. Loves her family and friends? Check.  Loves Bingo? Okay, well, as Meatloaf said, “two out of three ain’t bad”. Even though it’s common to hear how people are all different, it feels true that people are really all the same, too.

Between readings, I started to think about something one of my friends said about String Theory.  I can’t recall her words exactly, but I remember that I created a visual of everyone being connected to each other through space and time by string (cooking twine, actually :) ). It made me realize that even though I’d only met her a couple of times, because I was connected to people that she loved, I was also connected to her.

Doesn’t this idea give the phrase, “hanging by a thread” new meaning?

Second act

06 Oct 2012 2 Comments

by kwrites in family, friends, Marriage, Midlife Crisis, no fear, relationships, Turning 50 Tags: , , , , ,

I was watching the second episode of the new season of The Middle on TV. In it, Frankie has just unexpectedly lost her job and decides that instead of just running out to get another (crappy) job, she is going to treat this event as an opportunity,  a ‘second act’ in her life.

She decides to go back to school and learn to do something else. Something better.

Since turning 50 a few months ago, I’ve been thinking that my own second act may have started (or maybe even the third…but I digress).

I am hopeful this time around will be a bit easier. After all, this time around I have the benefit of wisdom to help me to successfully navigate what’s ahead, not to mention the love and support of my family and friends. Well, okay, I did have the that first time around too.

Thank God.

Also, this time around I live near enough to the ocean to visit it every day. As everyone knows, the ocean is the cure for what ails you.

Important lessons learned:  My husband rocks. My son rocks. My daughter rocks.  They all have my back every single day and really, what else matters?

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